Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

melody309

Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member

melody309

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1627
  • Number of comments : 120
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About melody309 : Hi, I like cupcakes, and sometimes the FML community scares me too much to comment on anything.

melody309's page activity

Visits<b>Rozza17</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 7:42am<b>saba_ajira</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 6:07am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 1:39pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 10:29pm<b>jcast0627</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 8:05pm<b>weveallbeenthere</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 8:21pm<b>GentlemanBastard</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 9:53pm<b>coolsoccer1234</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 2:29pm<b>abdiG</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 7:44pm<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 10:15am<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 5:32am<b>andy594328</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 1:50am<b>meanmuffin</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 3:59pm<b>Kamon97</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 12:26am<b>killthedead</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 8:40pm<b>Whynotnowandhere</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 7:36am<b>illegalbeagle69</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 3:03pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 10:54am

melody309's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of melody309's badges

melody309's favorite FMLs

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

#20895601
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36585) - you deserved it (3088)

On 09/25/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by nicetomeetyou2 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

#20893446
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38769) - you deserved it (2968)

On 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm - kids - by latter - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML

#20886799
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38547) - you deserved it (4286)

On 09/18/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

#20886085
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36335) - you deserved it (2710)

On 09/18/2013 at 12:22am - misc - by NonBelieber - United States (Alabama)

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

#20883504
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42127) - you deserved it (5369)

On 09/16/2013 at 7:09am - love - by Kit (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49493) - you deserved it (3947)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

#20866691
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34719) - you deserved it (6290)

On 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm - misc - by JustAnotherFML23 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39504) - you deserved it (6539)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43038) - you deserved it (7340)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside my antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML

#20846728
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45118) - you deserved it (10584)

On 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

#20842045
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50740) - you deserved it (6639)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by frustrated - Ireland (Kerry)

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

#20835961
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39060) - you deserved it (3110)

On 08/13/2013 at 8:08pm - money - by What. - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

#20829995
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59268) - you deserved it (5423)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:02am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: