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melody309

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melody309

12Fucked!

melody309melody309
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4195
  • Number of comments : 151
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About melody309 : Hi! I'm just a college student trying to find her way in the world without drowning in debt. My favorite things in the world are baking, Harry Potter, Pokémon, music, All Time Low, psychology, my cat, my family, and my boyfriend. Sometimes I like to dance around my room like I'm 14 and pretend my hair brush is a microphone, and I'm not ashamed.

melody309's page activity

Visits<b>Dave_Davington</b> - yesterday at 5:14am<b>Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 10:27pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 3:22pm<b>fmlnjd2013</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 6:50pm<b>j_luisa</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 12:00pm<b>GoldCyclone</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 9:18pm<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 11:29pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 1:41pm<b>emmy165</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 6:21pm<b>stieglar</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 8:06pm<b>zjay</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 3:15pm<b>apcsox</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 11:28pm<b>columbusthecat</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 1:55pm<b>MissJennyale</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 6:06am<b>jewstooge</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 11:38pm<b>taylorwray13</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 12:12am<b>melanielovejeff</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 10:09pm<b>Carmona04</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 2:10am

Fucked!<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 7:41pm<b>columbusthecat</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 5:22am<b>bdsmslave</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 11:28pm<b>Xx_ISeeStara_xD</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:06am<b>Chickenlips21</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 7:35pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 2:42am<b>Soninuva</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 4:18am<b>hahahehehe</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 11:31pm<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 12:51pm<b>shitcreeksurvr</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 7:53pm<b>DestinyNiya</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 9:29am<b>derp_taco</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 4:29am

melody309's FML badges

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melody309's favorite FMLs

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

#21107985
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63588) - you deserved it (5856)

On 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm - misc - by Great (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52228) - you deserved it (11852)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

#21106771
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37284) - you deserved it (12085)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20294) - you deserved it (45040)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

#21102110
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44338) - you deserved it (5404)

On 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by derped-out sperm (man) - Ireland

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

#21087156
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47528) - you deserved it (8848)

On 03/15/2014 at 8:21am - kids - by emergencyroom (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38076) - you deserved it (5537)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML

#21082949
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45547) - you deserved it (4232)

On 03/10/2014 at 4:22am - misc - by are you kidding me? - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, an American lady here in Ireland asked me if I was a Leprechaun. Thinking she was joking, and me being quite "vertically challenged," I decided to just say yes. She then grabbed me and made me endure photographs, cuddles and pats on the head from all her fellow tourists. FML

#21082683
190 comments

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

#21069587
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45317) - you deserved it (5753)

On 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm - kids - by hot sweet.... not (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

#21067583
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50167) - you deserved it (5768)

On 02/21/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

#21067130
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51406) - you deserved it (4175)

On 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm - misc - by BakedBat (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

#21066497
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45847) - you deserved it (4885)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by begging for air - United States (Oregon)

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

#21061796
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40865) - you deserved it (8900)

On 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm - animals - by unloved cat owner - United States (California)



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