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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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melissaa

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melissaa
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 25 November 1989 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 1868
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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melissaa's favorite FMLs

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

#1918683 (160)

I agree, your life sucks (48356) - you deserved it (4991)

On 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm - kids - by chelserusera (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

#1692972 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (47731) - you deserved it (7968)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

#1690188 (291)

I agree, your life sucks (81663) - you deserved it (15874)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML

#1683543 (547)

I agree, your life sucks (15584) - you deserved it (84148)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

#1681747 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (53784) - you deserved it (5333)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197 (154)

I agree, your life sucks (20656) - you deserved it (53772)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

#1628197 (380)

I agree, your life sucks (20378) - you deserved it (51956)

On 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by 1suckatL1fe - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

#837103 (586)

I agree, your life sucks (41196) - you deserved it (115418)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML

#796416 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (65024) - you deserved it (31603)

On 04/04/2009 at 4:04am - intimacy - by showerstupid (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

#795455 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (6570) - you deserved it (55486)

On 04/04/2009 at 2:05am - misc - by OrangeTree12 - Canada (British Columbia)



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