melissaa

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melissaa

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 26 November 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2225
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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melissaa's page activity

Visits<b>captain_hero89</b> - the 09/11/2016 at 6:06pm<b>Gooberglop</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 11:47am<b>jubejube239</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 12:00pm<b>PotterHead_DH</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 5:42pm<b>dboles12</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 11:38pm<b>rob02</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 10:50pm<b>lololololol_Guy</b> - the 12/06/2013 at 11:45pm<b>chadwj</b> - the 11/17/2013 at 7:55pm<b>purplerain229</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 7:55am<b>shinn</b> - the 06/01/2013 at 2:13am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:41pm<b>tiggie02</b> - the 06/13/2009 at 10:19am<b>depinaariana</b> - the 06/10/2009 at 10:52pm<b>tiger01</b> - the 06/10/2009 at 10:44pm<b>nokiac_b</b> - the 06/10/2009 at 9:47pm<b>jmud</b> - the 06/10/2009 at 8:28pm<b>jokerssmile</b> - the 05/08/2009 at 10:03pm<b>ha</b> - the 05/07/2009 at 3:57pm

melissaa's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

melissaa's favorite FMLs

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

by chelserusera / 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

by jojo / 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

by Familyskank / 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

by Jinthebar / 05/06/2009 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend's number. She texted back, "One of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

by 1suckatL1fe / 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML

by showerstupid / 04/04/2009 at 4:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

by OrangeTree12 / 04/04/2009 at 2:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love