About meganlovesyou69 : I'm weird. I love you, goodbye.
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meganlovesyou69's favorite FMLs
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML
by JayDNut / 11/08/2013 at 4:17pm / Health
Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML
by s3xygrandpa / 11/06/2013 at 2:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
by (-__- ) ( ^.^) / 10/11/2013 at 5:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/01/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML
by NotGabe / 09/01/2013 at 10:25am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML
by cpmolly / 08/24/2013 at 11:18am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/23/2013 at 7:30pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/23/2013 at 10:29am / United States / Love
by chlolivia / 02/13/2012 at 7:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML
by Sedici / 12/18/2011 at 2:44am / United States / Transportation
Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML
by Anonyme / 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm / Love
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
by Cassie / 05/01/2011 at 8:21pm / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/08/2011 at 11:27am / United States (Missouri) / Work
- Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to… Today, I realized that due to my anti-depressants, I can no longer orgasm. At. All. Which depresses… Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on…