This member hasn't filled in the description.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27180) - you deserved it (66760)
On 03/24/2009 at 12:19am - health - by smokythebear (man) - United States
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83728) - you deserved it (23711)
On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10467) - you deserved it (70015)
On 03/23/2009 at 4:37pm - misc - by Blondie (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73334) - you deserved it (24476)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12825) - you deserved it (89251)
On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56546) - you deserved it (7307)
On 03/11/2009 at 1:04am - misc - by fmlmylife - United States (Texas)
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70014) - you deserved it (6289)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15708) - you deserved it (35324)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML
I agree, your life sucks (83742) - you deserved it (15599)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11492) - you deserved it (36193)
On 03/06/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by thebickster (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12030) - you deserved it (56204)
On 03/06/2009 at 12:49pm - kids - by wetbutt (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While Im brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40386) - you deserved it (20784)
On 03/05/2009 at 9:27pm - misc - by mr.palendrome (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (189201) - you deserved it (21757)
On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting, "We have a problem!" Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage, and half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43948) - you deserved it (7195)
On 03/04/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Sara (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21742) - you deserved it (35723)
On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
