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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69117) - you deserved it (4827)
On 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82166) - you deserved it (30306)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53156) - you deserved it (5383)
On 04/13/2009 at 8:44pm - work - by brad3720 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35791) - you deserved it (3767)
On 04/11/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64618) - you deserved it (14904)
On 04/11/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28746) - you deserved it (16581)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:40am - animals - by ferrarismyname (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31119) - you deserved it (100290)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57659) - you deserved it (6627)
On 04/08/2009 at 11:43pm - animals - by BadBreath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82474) - you deserved it (7027)
On 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by poo_shoe123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
I agree, your life sucks (17255) - you deserved it (54565)
On 03/31/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML
I agree, your life sucks (150756) - you deserved it (21692)
On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by jdsksoapy (woman) - United States
Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (114609) - you deserved it (21984)
On 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by rejected (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45735) - you deserved it (5516)
On 03/27/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Spawn_of_Satan (woman) - Hong Kong
Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16591) - you deserved it (67841)
On 03/27/2009 at 9:05am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Austria (Vorarlberg)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53236) - you deserved it (417695)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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