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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22094) - you deserved it (59284)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I let my 5 year-old niece walk my 3 month-old husky puppy while I watched. I didn't realize how strong my puppy actually is until she took off running while dragging my niece with her. My niece now has two busted up knees and chin and her mother is now calling my puppy "demon puppy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29396) - you deserved it (19124)
On 05/13/2009 at 2:49pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82776) - you deserved it (3656)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42811) - you deserved it (7278)
On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)
Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25777) - you deserved it (37274)
On 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm - work - by Failoffel (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15288) - you deserved it (45862)
On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21423) - you deserved it (54869)
On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60357) - you deserved it (7038)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by ohmyx3 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48056) - you deserved it (8364)
On 04/27/2009 at 12:43am - love - by frenchgirlll (woman) - United States (California)
Today, after driving a few hours late at night I decided to entertain the car tailgating me by not letting him pass. After doing this for 3miles, reaching 93MPH, I decided to let the car pass me. When I switched lanes, the car tailgating me light up in red and blue. It was a cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7833) - you deserved it (68233)
On 04/26/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8678) - you deserved it (59235)
On 04/26/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by waltzy777 - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55274) - you deserved it (6109)
On 04/26/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Mikey (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML
I agree, your life sucks (59717) - you deserved it (7496)
On 04/17/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by Daniel_rules (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59743) - you deserved it (8550)
On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10161) - you deserved it (58472)
On 04/16/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by filipinoclari808 (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Monday 20 May 2013
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