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About meb123hazel : I'm a rower, science nerd, and on my way to becoming a doctor in the military
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Today, while drinking at a bar with my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend who I've been seeing on the side walked straight up to her, introducing herself as "the ex-girlfriend that he's been sleeping with for the past 3 months." FML
Today, I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase your milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at my office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, I was at a school rally I was talking to my friends when I noticed the entire gym had gotten quiet. Not knowing why I thought it would be funny to yell out "it's too quiet!" apparently it was a moment of silence for a teacher that had recently died. FML
Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML
Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML
Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened I slipped and fell in the shower and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered "Well, she is masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!". FML
Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML
Monday 18 August 2014