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mcvideogamer

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mcvideogamer

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mcvideogamer's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

#20912171
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53633) - you deserved it (4230)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:55am - kids - by thisguy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

#20908703
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47729) - you deserved it (3029)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

#20908628
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48955) - you deserved it (6617)

On 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by -____- (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54997) - you deserved it (27629)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

#20867437
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40271) - you deserved it (3138)

On 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by lostinspace (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55032) - you deserved it (7749)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

#20767253
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52969) - you deserved it (9442)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45pm - money - by juliearis (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after playing numerous games of poker against my friend, and him telling me that I'm the best poker player he's ever met, I went out and played for real money. I got totally destroyed, lost all of my money, and was laughed out of the building. FML

#20767127
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22745) - you deserved it (45226)

On 07/06/2013 at 2:23pm - money - by goodbye sweet internet (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

#20766730
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47172) - you deserved it (6288)

On 07/06/2013 at 7:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

#20766565
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45614) - you deserved it (4709)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58843) - you deserved it (10850)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

#20762850
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46478) - you deserved it (4400)

On 07/04/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by brokeandhungry - United States

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45168) - you deserved it (8997)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

#20739103
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41266) - you deserved it (4607)

On 06/21/2013 at 2:05pm - health - by assholedad (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

#20693039
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47541) - you deserved it (3930)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:39pm - misc - by no boobies - United States



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