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mchapm13

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mchapm13's favorite FMLs

Today, I was home alone and heard the kitchen tap turn on. Shocked, I turned it off. It continuously kept turning itself on so I set my video phone on it to find out the cause. My cat has learnt to turn it on. I later found said cat teaching another. I have three cats. All my taps are like this. FML

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49478) - you deserved it (3945)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

#20863679
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30673) - you deserved it (8300)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:21pm - work - by OnCompanyTimeToo (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

#20742609
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58603) - you deserved it (3815)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm - misc - by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck (man) - Guam

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

#20538482
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34659) - you deserved it (3837)

On 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45449) - you deserved it (5932) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36836) - you deserved it (2410)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

#20480699
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31895) - you deserved it (3323)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:57am - love - by pdub523 - United States (Texas)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25363) - you deserved it (6577)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

#19177249
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23208) - you deserved it (2595)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by Username (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

#19088946
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15761) - you deserved it (29104)

On 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while skiing on Mammoth Mountain, a man dressed in an Easter Bunny costume snowboarded into me and sent me flying. Not only did he hurt my wrist, he also threw an Easter egg at me, yelled "Happy Easter", and snowboarded away. FML

#15911784
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23600) - you deserved it (3765)

On 04/24/2011 at 7:49pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

#15334821
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15512) - you deserved it (46805)

On 03/16/2011 at 9:01am - work - by Almostfunny (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

#7989901
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24748) - you deserved it (5217)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:19pm - animals - by zzdug (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML

#7415658
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9276) - you deserved it (58659)

On 01/18/2010 at 6:01am - misc - by Adrian16 (man) - Norway (Vestfold)



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