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mbayless08

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mbayless08

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  • Number of visits : 65
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mbayless08's favorite FMLs

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

#21072961
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33827) - you deserved it (11801)

On 02/27/2014 at 6:59am - work - by doodler - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML

#21063667
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35919) - you deserved it (6267)

On 02/17/2014 at 7:14pm - misc - by I must suck at singing (woman) - United States

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

#20867249
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32785) - you deserved it (10301)

On 09/04/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by interphaseprophasemetaphase (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I saw mice eating from my cat's food dish, again. Where is my cat? He's busy bringing in more mice, birds, and once even an unharmed chipmunk through his cat door. FML

#20710993
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40509) - you deserved it (4925)

On 06/07/2013 at 12:33am - animals - by Damn Cat - United States (Iowa)

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34124) - you deserved it (2762)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

#19616275
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29785) - you deserved it (3511)

On 05/13/2012 at 11:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

#19362512
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10309) - you deserved it (17594)

On 03/28/2012 at 8:00am - health - by hikari_chan_xo - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

#19344885
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21157) - you deserved it (3819)

On 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

#18842582
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23383) - you deserved it (4843)

On 01/18/2012 at 6:30am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I discovered that you should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters. FML

#18384979
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9520) - you deserved it (59041)

On 11/29/2011 at 12:21pm - misc - by seanjohn268 (man) - Canada

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

#18378000
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10380) - you deserved it (33031)

On 11/28/2011 at 6:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

#18191670
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38780) - you deserved it (3853)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

#18038155
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24225) - you deserved it (2789)

On 10/21/2011 at 11:35am - animals - by Mr.P - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

#18013165
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18285) - you deserved it (37015)

On 10/18/2011 at 2:55am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)



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