About maz255 : Well, what can I say?
I love fairness and hate bigotry...
"who you callin' pinhead?"
About maz255 : Well, what can I say?
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maz255's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick. He filled a bowl with wine, pushed it on top of the ceiling using a broom stick, and held it up there. He told me to hold it and left. Taking my hands off the broomstick would cause the bowl to fall on my expensive new suit. Eventually, it did. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 10:57am / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 2:51pm / South Africa / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Florida) / Geek
Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, 3 policemen interrogated me and asked for ID but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML
by Anonymous / 11/12/2010 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML
by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by single / 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (New York) / Health
by redlips / 11/09/2010 at 1:06pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Intimacy
Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML
by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 5:18am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
by flying13 / 11/03/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML
by Fatality / 10/28/2010 at 12:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
by anon / 10/12/2010 at 5:52pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by cantstoplaughing / 10/06/2010 at 12:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…
- Today, I found out what it feels like to have my dick and balls coated in icy hot while sleeping.… Today, my dad is mad at me because I've been dating a boy who I've asked him to meet but he refuses… Today, I was at the Five Guys in Cardiff, and I decided to treat myself by getting five portions of…