About maz255 : Well, what can I say?
I love fairness and hate bigotry...
"who you callin' pinhead?"
About maz255 : Well, what can I say?
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maz255's favorite FMLs
Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML
by Trey / 11/18/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, in a large church youth group, we were told to write our current biggest trial on a piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in pile. I wrote "My mother's death and having to leave my friends and family." The one I picked up just said "math." FML
by Noslo / 11/09/2011 at 10:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
by HOe HOe HOe / 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 11:52am / United States / Kids
by sad / 10/25/2011 at 6:15am / Reserved / Intimacy
by jzappe / 10/10/2011 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML
by ...... / 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends and I were having a conversation about which mythical creature would be the most unlikely to exist in the real world. They all collectively agreed that it would be a girl who is attracted to me. FML
by Unluckiest Guy of the group / 09/28/2011 at 3:26pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 8:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by bluestarr1 / 09/10/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by sadsadperson / 09/07/2011 at 4:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by May / 09/04/2011 at 12:08am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML
by 6u174r_d00d / 08/10/2011 at 5:10pm / United States / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I asked my husband of 15 years to get a vasectomy, as he's said for the past 13 we are done… Today, I had sex with a guy I had wanted for awhile. Or I think it counts as sex. Really, I thought… Today, I laid out an exercise and diet plan for the rest of the year. Today was also the day a guy…