maxine34

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Offline (the 12/20/2014 at 4:45am)

maxine34

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 3331
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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maxine34's page activity

Visits<b>HelenKeller1</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 10:24pm<b>Dt33345</b> - the 11/20/2013 at 12:25am

maxine34's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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maxine34's favorite FMLs

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my boyfriend's grandma took me to his house to hang out. I then heard her in the kitchen telling his mom how hard she tried to leave me at the nearest gas station. FML

by hoopfrog / 06/18/2014 at 9:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

by MiserableMan / 06/10/2014 at 12:02am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Love

Today, I found out that my boyfriend paid a guy to tell me he was dead. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2014 at 11:30pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I clogged the only toilet at work. Thinking I could escape and blame someone else, I opened the door, only to see a line of people waiting outside. FML

by deservedly / 06/09/2014 at 12:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2014 at 3:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all the wrong places, specifically the county jail. FML

by _Ducks_ / 05/28/2014 at 12:08am / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, trying to be nice, I added this really shy kid from my English class on Facebook. Within minutes, he started going through all my pictures and tagging himself as my breasts. FML

by creepyyy / 05/17/2014 at 12:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm / United States / Love

Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML

by Anonyme / 05/16/2014 at 3:55am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug / 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

by nofatchicks / 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

by chumman / 05/06/2014 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

by wondercat40 / 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.