mattmalin11

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mattmalin11

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 August 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6881
  • Number of comments : 117
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 49 posted

About mattmalin11 : You know what, here's how we're gonna solve this argument: I'm right and you're wrong. End of discussion.

mattmalin11's page activity

Visits<b>capscapscaps43</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 6:42pm<b>CamBamShamDaMan</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 9:13am<b>MethuselahTurtle</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 11:03pm<b>threer</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 4:49pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 3:57pm<b>Cian_1</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 5:31am<b>Mobetta_2300</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 11:54am<b>Kaybabe116</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 12:21am<b>warsun</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 9:09pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 8:57pm<b>hscherm22</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 4:06pm<b>KailaWayla</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 11:06pm<b>geass_user</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 7:37pm<b>Rozay333</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 1:55am<b>damonD9711</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 8:22pm<b>annieowl</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 5:13pm<b>mcomedyman94</b> - the 10/29/2013 at 3:19pm<b>coolstoryhoe1289</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 1:39am

mattmalin11's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

mattmalin11's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

by Punk / 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

by Kate / 06/07/2011 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML

by Username / 06/07/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

by Danielle / 06/06/2011 at 3:00pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

by KillMeNow / 06/06/2011 at 2:27am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I just bought a car with all of my own money. Then, when I brought it home my dad informed me that my mom will be driving it to work every day. FML

by Username / 06/05/2011 at 11:29pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

by kringr / 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

by peaaaak / 06/03/2011 at 6:17am / United Kingdom (Thurrock) / Intimacy

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health

Today, while working at a restaurant, an elderly lady stuck my tip in my back pocket as I was walking away. I wish I knew this before I'd thrown her to the floor for touching my hiney. FML

by rioght onnn / 05/20/2011 at 3:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML

by paulwatson93 / 05/17/2011 at 12:28am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

by Wtf / 04/29/2011 at 12:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

by nipman / 04/25/2011 at 3:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I have a new boss. She claims to be a professional Angry Birds player. FML

by Username / 04/22/2011 at 10:42am / Work

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

by Wendie / 04/18/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Animals