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mattmalin11

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mattmalin11
  • Town/Country : Southern by the grace of God, U.S.A
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 August 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 4361
  • Number of comments : 117
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 49 posted

About mattmalin11 : You know what, here's how we're gonna solve this argument: I'm right and you're wrong. End of discussion.

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mattmalin11's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

#17522944
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22999) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got accepted into University onto a course I don't want to do, but my parents said they would disown me if I didn't go. I believe them: they haven't spoken to my shop assistant sister in about three years now. FML

#17507560
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28712) - you deserved it (2436)

On 08/18/2011 at 4:45am - work - by Academia (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML

#17500518
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6951) - you deserved it (91487)

On 08/17/2011 at 2:27pm - misc - by Tom - United States (Texas)

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

#17473722
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32810) - you deserved it (2436)

On 08/14/2011 at 8:47pm - work - by theultimatesalonfail - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30019) - you deserved it (8708)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

#17459271
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27819) - you deserved it (4281)

On 08/13/2011 at 11:31am - misc - by NotSoAnon (man) - United States

Today, my dad nearly had a head-on collision with another car, but I grabbed the wheel at the last second, potentially saving both our lives. He spent the rest of the car trip pissed at me because I'd "interfered" with his driving. FML

#17379792
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27619) - you deserved it (2341)

On 08/05/2011 at 5:47pm - health - by laurlaur - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

#17362826
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41871) - you deserved it (2786)

On 08/04/2011 at 1:44am - animals - by SydIsPrettyCool - United States (Michigan)

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

#17342308
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20802) - you deserved it (64569)

On 08/02/2011 at 10:17am - health - by chinchilla4404 (woman) - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36936) - you deserved it (10875)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML

#17304859
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32818) - you deserved it (2592)

On 07/30/2011 at 1:15am - kids - by NaomiMadison - United States

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

#17298408
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26851) - you deserved it (4577)

On 07/29/2011 at 2:26pm - misc - by someone - United States

Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML

#17293531
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21254) - you deserved it (6110)

On 07/29/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by notabeliever - United States (California)

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

#17243352
365 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8853) - you deserved it (28244)

On 07/24/2011 at 5:01pm - misc - by cadillacfrank - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

#17237614
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28765) - you deserved it (3346)

On 07/24/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Username - United States (California)



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