mattmalin11

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mattmalin11

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 August 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7549
  • Number of comments : 117
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 49 posted

About mattmalin11 : You know what, here's how we're gonna solve this argument: I'm right and you're wrong. End of discussion.

mattmalin11's page activity

Visits<b>Horses2354</b> - the 10/18/2016 at 11:18am<b>TheGreastest</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 3:03pm<b>capscapscaps43</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 6:42pm<b>CamBamShamDaMan</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 9:13am<b>MethuselahTurtle</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 11:03pm<b>threer</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 4:49pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 3:57pm<b>Cian_1</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 5:31am<b>Mobetta_2300</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 11:54am<b>Kaybabe116</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 12:21am<b>warsun</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 9:09pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 8:57pm<b>hscherm22</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 4:06pm<b>KailaWayla</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 11:06pm<b>geass_user</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 7:37pm<b>Rozay333</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 1:55am<b>damonD9711</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 8:22pm<b>annieowl</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 5:13pm

mattmalin11's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

mattmalin11's favorite FMLs

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

by shitless88 / 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got accepted into University onto a course I don't want to do, but my parents said they would disown me if I didn't go. I believe them: they haven't spoken to my shop assistant sister in about three years now. FML

by Academia / 08/18/2011 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Work

Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML

by Tom / 08/17/2011 at 2:27pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

by theultimatesalonfail / 08/14/2011 at 8:47pm / United States / Work

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

by NotSoAnon / 08/13/2011 at 11:31am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad nearly had a head-on collision with another car, but I grabbed the wheel at the last second, potentially saving both our lives. He spent the rest of the car trip pissed at me because I'd "interfered" with his driving. FML

by laurlaur / 08/05/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

by SydIsPrettyCool / 08/04/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

by chinchilla4404 / 08/02/2011 at 10:17am / United States / Health

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML

by NaomiMadison / 07/30/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Kids

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

by someone / 07/29/2011 at 2:26pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML

by notabeliever / 07/29/2011 at 1:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

by cadillacfrank / 07/24/2011 at 5:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

by Username / 07/24/2011 at 2:22am / United States (California) / Health