Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

mattiscg

Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member

mattiscg

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 5 July 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 506
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

mattiscg's page activity

Visits<b>zyperman43</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 2:30pm<b>hardnerkid</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 10:13pm<b>KinglyStature</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 11:16pm

mattiscg's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of mattiscg's badges

mattiscg's favorite FMLs

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27429) - you deserved it (5135)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

#21317298
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30857) - you deserved it (3363)

On 12/14/2014 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by dating a moron (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

#21315592
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28688) - you deserved it (6006)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anon - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

#21315008
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31874) - you deserved it (3171)

On 12/10/2014 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by unlovedandunfucked (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

#21314927
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30487) - you deserved it (2435)

On 12/10/2014 at 9:05am - misc - by NotAnInLawFamilyMan (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML

#21312671
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30749) - you deserved it (2948)

On 12/06/2014 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

#21311570
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34819) - you deserved it (5329)

On 12/04/2014 at 6:46pm - kids - by aprouddaddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40562) - you deserved it (2726)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

#21311373
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29793) - you deserved it (12654)

On 12/04/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by Red (man) -

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

#21309102
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30983) - you deserved it (4959)

On 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by fishtacos (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML

#21307823
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37323) - you deserved it (2313)

On 11/28/2014 at 10:36pm - misc - by idiots - United States (Texas)

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

#21304429
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36111) - you deserved it (4231)

On 11/23/2014 at 11:34am - intimacy - by 404: fuck not given (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

#21302784
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32323) - you deserved it (3541)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

#21302021
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28689) - you deserved it (3272)

On 11/19/2014 at 10:09am - misc - by Donutsarelife - United States

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

#21300667
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32017) - you deserved it (3537)

On 11/17/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: