Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

mattiscg

Online | Search for a member

mattiscg

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 5 July 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2852
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

mattiscg's page activity

Visits<b>Histayra</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 9:35am<b>fraankiexx</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 2:17am<b>Jowisee</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 4:29pm<b>linderp</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 11:56am<b>Otohamage</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 3:11pm<b>Sista92359</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 7:44pm<b>MrConcise</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 6:08pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 9:49am<b>leogachi</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 2:40am<b>xdattax</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 9:37am<b>trollcrusher</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 12:50am<b>cherrio27</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 10:50pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 10:06pm<b>melons</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 8:26pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 6:34pm<b>rogwest</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 2:54pm<b>stereomommy</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 12:16pm<b>theslawdawg</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 12:02pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 12:34am

mattiscg's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of mattiscg's badges

mattiscg's favorite FMLs

Today, I came inside a girl's vagina by accident. Neither one of us wants her to be pregnant, and I had to spend half an hour with her sitting on my face, while I sucked my own cum out of her. I don't even know if this will work. FML

#21524955
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8057) - you deserved it (42764)

On 02/10/2016 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by nickncik (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

#21524473
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19352) - you deserved it (2234)

On 02/09/2016 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by hannieannie - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I tutored a third grade girl after school. She was squirming so much I thought she had to go to the bathroom. Turns out, she was just masturbating on the corner of a school chair. FML

Today, I finally found out why my graphics card in my PC had been overheating recently. My brother disconnected the card's fan because it was too loud when he was gaming. I guess I can always spend another $750. FML

#21524086
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20391) - you deserved it (1613)

On 02/08/2016 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

#21523050
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23282) - you deserved it (2256)

On 02/05/2016 at 11:36am - work - by Coccinelle - France

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#21522820
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19649) - you deserved it (1944)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

#21522725
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20711) - you deserved it (1503)

On 02/04/2016 at 10:16am - animals - by uninvited (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

#21522558
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22362) - you deserved it (2139)

On 02/03/2016 at 9:04pm - kids - by Spooderman (woman) - United States

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

#21520041
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24863) - you deserved it (2859)

On 01/27/2016 at 11:35am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend made a patronising post on Facebook, "to all you guys out there" saying how having sex with a drunk person is straight-up, 100% rape. I pointed out that she's had sex with me several times after I've come home drunk. That pissed her off. Now I'm single. FML

#21520025
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22633) - you deserved it (4336)

On 01/27/2016 at 10:35am - misc - by 404: Sanity Not Found (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

#21519039
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22178) - you deserved it (3972)

On 01/24/2016 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

#21516125
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25006) - you deserved it (1522)

On 01/17/2016 at 2:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

Today, I told a customer the bread he wanted has been discontinued. He replied with, "Are you serious? What is your name? I'm going up front to complain about you." I still don't understand how that's specifically my fault. FML

#21513672
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20371) - you deserved it (1218)

On 01/10/2016 at 6:53pm - work - by fritzile - United States (Arizona)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: