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mattiscg

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mattiscg

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 5 July 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1396
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mattiscg's page activity

Visits<b>leogachi</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 3:52pm<b>rogwest</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 2:54pm<b>stereomommy</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 12:16pm<b>theslawdawg</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 12:02pm<b>zyperman43</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 2:30pm<b>hardnerkid</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 10:13pm<b>KinglyStature</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 11:16pm

mattiscg's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of mattiscg's badges

mattiscg's favorite FMLs

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

#21433102
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21666) - you deserved it (2088)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

#21428622
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27107) - you deserved it (3151)

On 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28294) - you deserved it (11553)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML

#21425895
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28180) - you deserved it (2967)

On 06/14/2015 at 11:37am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Croatia (Grad Zagreb)

Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML

#21425373
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33482) - you deserved it (1688)

On 06/13/2015 at 8:42am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

#21424633
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26853) - you deserved it (1761)

On 06/11/2015 at 6:46pm - misc - by what - United States (California)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

#21423894
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35138) - you deserved it (6953)

On 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28119) - you deserved it (3127)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

#21421687
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27114) - you deserved it (2270)

On 06/06/2015 at 9:01am - intimacy - by cockblockedbyFB - United States (Texas)

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

#21420888
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27540) - you deserved it (1803)

On 06/04/2015 at 9:07pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

#21420621
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28845) - you deserved it (3592)

On 06/04/2015 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

#21420087
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35842) - you deserved it (2541)

On 06/03/2015 at 3:22am - intimacy - by W T F (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

#21420039
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29419) - you deserved it (3952)

On 06/03/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML

#21419795
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29977) - you deserved it (2626)

On 06/02/2015 at 5:02pm - love - by Jrex89 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)



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