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matthews_van

Offline (the 12/14/2014 at 2:35am) | Search for a member

matthews_van

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matthews_van
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 12 December 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 318
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About matthews_van : Hey. You're pretty attractive (; I have no life so send me a message and I should reply

matthews_van's page activity

Visits<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 3:10pm<b>cherrio27</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 12:16am<b>xx_ginny</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 4:15pm<b>thecalvin123</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 12:43am<b>vegasked</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 9:55pm<b>nomallama</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 11:21pm<b>muin</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 5:09pm<b>JadeBOOHYAH</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 2:47pm<b>Lindsey_Marie</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 11:00pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 12:25pm<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 2:22pm<b>blueflygon</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 3:20am<b>miichiii</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 12:05pm<b>DJisHere11</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 9:54am<b>JMEL2012</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 4:02am<b>Gb1625</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 3:39am<b>fmlnjd2013</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 2:51am<b>unlucky_lucy</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 10:21pm

matthews_van's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of matthews_van's badges

matthews_van's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday. I'd arranged beforehand for some of the staff to come out and sing happy birthday to her, but it all backfired when she started panicking and had a serious anxiety attack from all the attention. FML

#21124555
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45535) - you deserved it (7976)

On 04/27/2014 at 6:08pm - love - by phuckbukket7 (man) - United States

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

#20953149
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37297) - you deserved it (4871)

On 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm - work - by kittkatt1 - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

#20951236
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43481) - you deserved it (3571)

On 11/09/2013 at 9:15am - work - by fmylyfe (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "lil' yeast infection's sis". FML

#20935789
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33584) - you deserved it (2600)

On 10/27/2013 at 3:52pm - misc - by Dor51 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

#20905869
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45135) - you deserved it (4702)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:38am - intimacy - by EconM - United States

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48021) - you deserved it (23102)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99748) - you deserved it (11646)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

#20660939
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77370) - you deserved it (5292)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51180) - you deserved it (4438)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50384) - you deserved it (11217)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81290) - you deserved it (4207)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47384) - you deserved it (4883)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63756) - you deserved it (3053)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada



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