matthew5555555

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matthew5555555

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 November 1993 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 280
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About matthew5555555 : Football is the best sport ever!! MIAMI

matthew5555555's page activity

Visits<b>notlovely</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 2:51am<b>eleven22</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 6:09pm<b>QuaSiCos</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 8:47am<b>xxtaaayxx</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 5:09am<b>Toriahh</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 1:08am<b>Spiral_Thoughts</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 9:09am<b>firefighterbee</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 10:22pm<b>boring_boredom</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 6:39pm<b>camsaltysquares</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 8:26am<b>yellowchocobo</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 9:29am<b>izzylovemason</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 12:58am<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 12:27am<b>PeterPanties</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 11:32pm<b>thelionkingftw</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 9:59pm<b>alfalfalaffa</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 6:42pm<b>kumarina</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 1:44am<b>Ryanc621</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 3:25pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 02/15/2014 at 11:52pm

matthew5555555's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of matthew5555555's badges

matthew5555555's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML

by TCRII / 07/23/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

by AylaMarie92 / 07/21/2014 at 5:04pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2014 at 11:58am / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

by Pandamomma / 07/21/2014 at 8:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

by Satan's Mum / 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, my mom asked me when I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. Not only was she in the room at the time, I've spent the whole week thinking of ways to break up with her without ending up in the hospital. 5ML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 10:11am / United States / Love

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2013 at 7:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

by justin / 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

by Whackgourd / 12/11/2013 at 1:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

by a.white / 12/11/2013 at 6:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

by thatsucks / 02/28/2009 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love