mattbaker

Search for a member

Offline (the 07/25/2016 at 5:57am)

mattbaker

1Fucked!

mattbaker
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 17 March 1999 (17 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 968
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About mattbaker : I am an Indian teenager...

mattbaker's page activity

Visits<b>kay_rystal</b> - the 07/17/2016 at 10:37pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 4:19pm<b>redskinforlife</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 12:08am<b>Supaviper</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 10:31am<b>Stxsyh</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:49am<b>jessLIKESpotato</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 1:05am<b>17031990</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 7:11pm<b>justmeee12</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 11:24am<b>SharnaaaBanana</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 8:07am<b>ihavenolifehaha</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 4:55pm<b>rae_siah_3x</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 8:47am<b>C7</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 12:15pm<b>ToxicPlant</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 10:31pm<b>kaiboi702</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 11:04am<b>iajm02</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 10:49am<b>Captain_Brittain</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 4:26pm<b>DUB_Speeding</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 5:07pm<b>BeautifulLiesx</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 1:08pm

Fucked!<b>SharnaaaBanana</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 2:07pm

mattbaker's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of mattbaker's badges

mattbaker's favorite FMLs

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2015 at 11:12am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

by Strainer / 05/23/2015 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Kids

Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I hadn't slept well the night before and when I got onto the scariest ride, I somehow fell half asleep. I woke up upside down and ended up peeing myself in terror. FML

by Upside-Down Sleeper. / 05/02/2015 at 5:59pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

by RavingLunatic / 05/01/2015 at 6:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2015 at 4:02pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired for having a visible tattoo on my neck. The tattoo in question is a scar from a surgery I had 2 months ago. The same one paid for by my employer's insurance and missed 2 weeks of work for. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 8:23am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

by pikachu_43 / 03/21/2015 at 11:14am / United States (California) / Health

Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML

by mafille / 03/18/2015 at 11:22pm / France / Kids

Today, one of the guys I work with ran his finger down the back of my shirt and said, "Just checking to see if you're wearing a bra today". FML

by SteamyPenguin / 03/13/2015 at 11:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML

by dorianseiji / 03/11/2015 at 4:37pm / France (Picardie) / Kids

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

by birdisnottheword / 03/11/2015 at 9:55am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, while discussing my grades with my mother, she told me that when she was my age she was dumb but hardworking, and my dad was lazy but very smart. She then added, "You managed to get the worst out of each of us." FML

by Daughter of the year / 03/10/2015 at 8:19pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny tard like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML

by single&alone / 03/06/2015 at 3:44pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

by Not Homeless / 03/05/2015 at 8:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love