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mattbaker

Offline (the 06/04/2014 at 12:14pm) | Search for a member

mattbaker

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 17 March 1999 (15 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 75
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About mattbaker : :-)

mattbaker's page activity

Visits<b>ManateeRex</b> - 16 hours ago<b>DizzyDeePoni</b> - 23 hours ago<b>gmian</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 10:37pm<b>msunique_me</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:12pm<b>WoldowJR</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 9:56am<b>lochiamochia</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 7:00am<b>RainbowxxVeinsx</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 6:26am<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 4:21am<b>lougled</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 2:48am<b>MrsWinchester</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:16am<b>MissSatan</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 9:25am<b>andrewturtle</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 9:03am<b>qdawg06</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 4:19pm<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 3:33pm<b>jessal</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 7:43am<b>mariannezr</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 2:15pm<b>Lifeisunfairxo</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 11:59pm<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 1:48pm

mattbaker's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of mattbaker's badges

mattbaker's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

#21220536
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36804) - you deserved it (7023)

On 07/25/2014 at 6:46pm - misc - by xXshitface4uXx (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

#21220355
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39329) - you deserved it (3106)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37553) - you deserved it (19114)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36534) - you deserved it (4241)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

#21218479
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47657) - you deserved it (4168)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28544) - you deserved it (36852)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

#21213512
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42969) - you deserved it (5940)

On 07/18/2014 at 10:56pm - kids - by kids say the darnedest things - United States (Colorado)

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52776) - you deserved it (3815)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

#21208337
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34160) - you deserved it (8330)

On 07/13/2014 at 10:10pm - animals - by dogggg (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my boss called me to inform me that I'm being laid off. In my ensuing fit of rage, I deleted the recent project I've been working on for weeks. Pretty soon after, he called me back to let me know it was a prank. FML

#21207207
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42924) - you deserved it (14915)

On 07/12/2014 at 5:11pm - work - by Workhorse - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

#21206280
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37668) - you deserved it (3432)

On 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39707) - you deserved it (6081)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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