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mattbaker

Offline (the 08/13/2014 at 1:46pm) | Search for a member

mattbaker

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 17 March 1999 (15 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 109
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About mattbaker : :-)

mattbaker's page activity

Visits<b>Dudebromans</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 1:07am<b>anal_peach</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 1:37pm<b>winchestinalock</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 9:38am<b>DUB_Speeding</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 5:00pm<b>hunteryager</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 1:06am<b>DizzyDeePoni</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 8:01pm<b>joarasmi</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 2:15pm<b>ManateeRex</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 12:42pm<b>gmian</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 10:37pm<b>msunique_me</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:12pm<b>WoldowJR</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 9:56am<b>lochiamochia</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 7:00am<b>RainbowxxVeinsx</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 6:26am<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 4:21am<b>lougled</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 2:48am<b>MrsWinchester</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:16am<b>MissSatan</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 9:25am<b>andrewturtle</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 9:03am

mattbaker's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of mattbaker's badges

mattbaker's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37650) - you deserved it (23085)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

#21227114
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43097) - you deserved it (7001)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32193) - you deserved it (15520)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33779) - you deserved it (22460)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38575) - you deserved it (6694)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

#21225641
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42447) - you deserved it (4361)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:38am - misc - by lostintdot (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

#21222673
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38027) - you deserved it (3850)

On 07/28/2014 at 12:36am - misc - by blow away - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

#21222459
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46368) - you deserved it (3867)

On 07/27/2014 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by why - United States

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

#21220536
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42778) - you deserved it (7967)

On 07/25/2014 at 6:46pm - misc - by xXshitface4uXx (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

#21220355
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45508) - you deserved it (3423)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41500) - you deserved it (21356)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39994) - you deserved it (4509)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

#21218479
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51734) - you deserved it (4339)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML



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