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matt140348

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matt140348

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  • Number of visits : 50
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matt140348's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML

#20022706
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25017) - you deserved it (6401)

On 08/15/2012 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by foreveravirgin (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

#20022569
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26091) - you deserved it (4863)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

#20022504
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16359) - you deserved it (34035)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML

Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML

#20020549
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18722) - you deserved it (1532)

On 08/14/2012 at 12:14pm - health - by Todd - United States

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

#20007202
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9373) - you deserved it (29415)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:48am - misc - by Embarrassed - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML

#20004612
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33446) - you deserved it (2758)

On 08/05/2012 at 9:15pm - intimacy - by kklaucen14 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

#20004451
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23805) - you deserved it (1865)

On 08/05/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by Kolkata - Canada

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

#20003981
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35264) - you deserved it (2561)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States

Today, my mom thought I was flying high on weed and nearly grounded me for it. I wasn't high, I was just actually in a good mood for the first time in a few weeks. FML

#19999290
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23632) - you deserved it (1934)

On 08/02/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by HappyMan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

#19998464
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12127) - you deserved it (18536)

On 08/02/2012 at 1:32pm - misc - by purplexangel (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

#19997949
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26654) - you deserved it (2679)

On 08/02/2012 at 4:11am - love - by Kelly - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

#19996058
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33680) - you deserved it (5899)

On 08/01/2012 at 5:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

#19990926
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20543) - you deserved it (3074)

On 07/29/2012 at 2:49pm - kids - by oink oink fuck off - United Kingdom (Doncaster)



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