About matman82 : living in San Antonio and currently serving my country in the air force. I'm a huge gamer btw!
matman82's FML badges
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
matman82's favorite FMLs
by LostInSunday / 08/15/2016 at 4:11am / Miscellaneous
by Hey, thats not math!? / 08/09/2016 at 4:20pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by Redhottt6 / 08/04/2016 at 9:24pm / Miscellaneous
Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Intimacy
by Tyler / 11/19/2011 at 3:05am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to Burger King. I was sipping the drink and put it on my window sill to save for later. I fell asleep, and when I woke up my mouth was dry. I took a sip and felt something go into my mouth. Thinking it was an ice cube, I bit down on it. It was not an ice cube. It was a cockroach. FML
by LoLLightning / 06/27/2009 at 3:24am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML
by theguy24 / 01/27/2009 at 7:47am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
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- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…