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matloz98

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matloz98

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  • Number of visits : 59
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matloz98's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

#20977509
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42779) - you deserved it (5352)

On 12/01/2013 at 9:50pm - kids - by no she wasn't high - United States (Texas)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML

#20973561
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43742) - you deserved it (5385)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:34am - love - by heightdifference (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30990) - you deserved it (14715)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

#20930715
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36383) - you deserved it (8128)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:43am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML

#20922788
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43552) - you deserved it (14432)

On 10/16/2013 at 2:48pm - misc - by SaveMeTeddy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML

#20921378
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37556) - you deserved it (2911)

On 10/15/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by Eggs6131 (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

#20919796
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42050) - you deserved it (3088)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

#20917814
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40750) - you deserved it (13098)

On 10/12/2013 at 4:28pm - love - by fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

#20916326
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33227) - you deserved it (9569)

On 10/11/2013 at 11:18am - misc - by FriutlessApple (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51330) - you deserved it (7130)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia



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