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masturdad

Offline (the 02/27/2014 at 7:00pm) | Search for a member

masturdad

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 110
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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masturdad's page activity

Visits<b>RileyNoSmiley</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 4:34pm<b>samantha6768</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 4:27pm<b>irjgg</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 5:55am<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 4:16am

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masturdad's favorite FMLs

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

#21217252
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36071) - you deserved it (2973)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by d4rkxf0x - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

#21216217
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37870) - you deserved it (10637)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - love - by whatjusthappened - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

#21215195
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46986) - you deserved it (7514)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:59pm - love - by I Feel Horrible - United States (California)

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

#21213929
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35924) - you deserved it (22242)

On 07/19/2014 at 7:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

#21212849
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39828) - you deserved it (6567)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by familyhatesme - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51203) - you deserved it (3772)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got stood up on a date for three hours. I would have left much earlier but the whole time she had reassured me that she was on her way. And then I saw her tweeting about the pizza rolls she was making at home. FML

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

#21206411
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43129) - you deserved it (4175)

On 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42256) - you deserved it (7865)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

#21206280
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37311) - you deserved it (3422)

On 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39290) - you deserved it (6064)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

#21206148
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44168) - you deserved it (4117)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:02pm - misc - by morgan_rumm (woman) -

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48591) - you deserved it (6511)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

#21203309
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44554) - you deserved it (3333)

On 07/08/2014 at 9:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

#21192543
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59412) - you deserved it (4609)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)



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