About marykateex3 : I am the coolest uncool person in the world.
(...now, now. Don't get jealous.)
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65734) - you deserved it (4574)
On 04/17/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59496) - you deserved it (12219)
On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74507) - you deserved it (3425)
On 04/17/2009 at 9:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59739) - you deserved it (8550)
On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50531) - you deserved it (2255)
On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23055) - you deserved it (72715)
On 04/16/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by Eyesore - United States (Georgia)
Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10961) - you deserved it (50421)
On 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by shiftybizniss - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53232) - you deserved it (4478)
On 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82186) - you deserved it (30304)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101297) - you deserved it (7717)
On 04/14/2009 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62990) - you deserved it (20361)
On 04/14/2009 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Obee (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (549191) - you deserved it (35330)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML
I agree, your life sucks (86313) - you deserved it (17603)
On 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by anonymiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, for Easter my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (104848) - you deserved it (4322)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was giving a tour on campus when one of my friends approached us and said "Don't go here, the weed's too expensive." and walked away. Thinking he's coming back to say he's joking, he instead say "i'm just kidding its really cheap" and walked away. I may or may not still have a job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39320) - you deserved it (3636)
On 04/11/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by JimmyJazzNJ (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Monday 20 May 2013
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