About marykateex3 : I am the coolest uncool person in the world.
(...now, now. Don't get jealous.)
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11897) - you deserved it (57004)
On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88890) - you deserved it (14370)
On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69420) - you deserved it (2857)
On 04/30/2009 at 12:53am - animals - by dasbooot (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60340) - you deserved it (7037)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by ohmyx3 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML
I agree, your life sucks (86972) - you deserved it (12229)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8764) - you deserved it (57239)
On 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56200) - you deserved it (22801)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I got a haircut. Right after the lady finished washing my hair she grabbed a towel to wipe her nose. She then used the same towel to thoroughly dry my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62310) - you deserved it (3330)
On 04/29/2009 at 5:40am - health - by Mars (woman) - United States (California)
Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38042) - you deserved it (4389)
On 04/29/2009 at 4:06am - health - by Jake (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47211) - you deserved it (12432)
On 04/29/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by PoopTart (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (153134) - you deserved it (8620)
On 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm - money - by Sad (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55178) - you deserved it (4649)
On 04/28/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by unlolable4321 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend was complaining that we don't have "a song". Irritated, I told her that I'd put on the radio, and whatever song was playing was our song from now on. I switched on the radio, and "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen was playing. Our song is about premature ejaculation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12780) - you deserved it (51323)
On 04/28/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)
Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8589) - you deserved it (78418)
On 04/28/2009 at 10:08am - health - by david - United States (Colorado)
Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91026) - you deserved it (6006)
On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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