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maryjoe's favorite FMLs
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
by Anonymous / 09/26/2011 at 2:52pm / United States / Work
Today, I was working at my new job at a food court on campus. One of the supervisors came up to my station and told me that I "really look like someone who, through some miracle, accidentally found their way into college." He then threw a pickle at me. FML
by SakuraBreeze / 09/26/2011 at 1:18am / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML
by Chan / 09/25/2011 at 9:57pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I brought my date home to meet my parents. We walked in the front door to find my drunken father wearing nothing but a Viking helmet, and swinging and jabbing our living room furniture with a pool noodle. FML
by Hailey Antone / 09/10/2011 at 3:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Stan / 08/29/2011 at 5:19pm / United States (California) / Health
by slut / 08/29/2011 at 12:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/29/2011 at 9:05am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
by True Story / 08/29/2011 at 8:46am / Canada / Love
Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
by Andrew / 08/28/2011 at 6:37pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Work
Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looks at me with accepting eyes and says after I'd finished, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2011 at 5:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML
by cjay2200 / 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/28/2011 at 7:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by CooBerry3851 / 08/28/2011 at 4:27am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 6:59pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals
Today, I went to a concert. The music was great, but the drunk guys behind me made it hard to pay attention. Half way through the second act, one of them took it upon themselves to start peeing on me. FML
by concertqueen / 08/27/2011 at 6:40pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube.… Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that… Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot.…