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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2983
  • Number of comments : 1195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About martin8337 : 52. Woking late afternoon through early morning. Friday to Monday. I call my shift "swingyard". I am addicted to FML.
Message me if you like.
Give a fuck, get a fuck.

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martin8337's favorite FMLs

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32742) - you deserved it (4572)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35659) - you deserved it (3739)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33972) - you deserved it (2573)

On 09/22/2014 at 1:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36883) - you deserved it (3210)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:56am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52704) - you deserved it (10544)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38653) - you deserved it (6638)

On 07/25/2014 at 11:54am - animals - by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML


I agree, your life sucks (48230) - you deserved it (8521)

On 07/10/2014 at 9:34am - love - by oh my fucking god (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42773) - you deserved it (3883)

On 06/20/2014 at 6:05pm - kids - by Alex (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I feel massively depressed, but I can't talk to anyone about it as I'm British. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35776) - you deserved it (10062)

On 06/17/2014 at 8:26am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42537) - you deserved it (4455)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:11am - work - by unashamed - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML


I agree, your life sucks (49569) - you deserved it (22236)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (40538) - you deserved it (7974)

On 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48105) - you deserved it (12246)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm - misc - by dani (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43496) - you deserved it (9420)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:31am - animals - by cat whisperer - United States

Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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