marmar9407

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marmar9407

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 781
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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marmar9407's page activity

Visits<b>kpark115</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 3:45am<b>vintageart1994</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 7:38pm<b>Derpenis</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 5:24am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 1:04pm<b>oliviaarrrr</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 4:28pm<b>Merfy</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 10:54pm<b>neeena94</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 6:25pm<b>jadeluv</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 2:46pm<b>GayMatt</b> - the 09/06/2013 at 4:33am<b>brisbanegirl</b> - the 09/01/2013 at 5:34am<b>tralala453</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 1:57pm<b>InfernoVivo</b> - the 08/26/2013 at 6:51pm<b>Lil_pink</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 9:12pm<b>_DoubleJ_</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 9:00am<b>JulesVern16</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 4:08am<b>whoracle</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 3:03am<b>Crash7777</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 3:12am<b>Zombiekilla3229</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 12:16am

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marmar9407's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

by i hit a cyclist / 05/27/2013 at 7:19am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Transportation

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm / Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla) / Intimacy

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

by FML136969 / 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

by thatonesilentkidinclass / 05/04/2013 at 4:11am / Philippines (Batangas) / Health

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

by a tad whipped / 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm / Australia / Money

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

by TheVirginJenny / 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

by unfortunateMother / 09/18/2012 at 3:51pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Kids

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

by gonavybeatarmy / 05/31/2012 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

Today, the school nurse called me in. She said she knew I was pregnant and she was worried about how it was affecting my grades. I'm not pregnant. Apparently I'm just stupid and fat. FML

by CharlieOrion / 05/04/2012 at 8:25am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML

by lanu / 03/13/2012 at 12:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife posted on Facebook, "FUCK THA POLICE!" She got 40 likes. I'm a police officer. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 10:19pm / United States / Miscellaneous