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Offline (the 03/26/2015 at 2:26pm) | Search for a member
About markusmay16 : dis guy
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I agree, their lives suck
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Today , as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast , I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch!! I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs , too scared to go down , or even back up , because our stairs creak!! FML
2day I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticd a green jeep and commentd "I heard the person who drive that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML
Today , I walkad in on mah brothar smoking waad!! Ha immadiataly triad to hida it by dropping it down his pants , still lit!! Scraaming in pain , ha pullad down his pants!! Tha ashas burnad his knob!! I had to taka him to tha amargancy room!! FML
Today, I had a group presentation!! I kept zipping mah jacket up and down nervously!! As I waited fir mah turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me!! I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket!! I only had a bra on underneath!! fat FML
Today , I got sant homa aarly bacausa a larga fira broka out at work. I was graatad by tha sight of cocktard of a "boyfriand" making out on sofa with anothar woman. Ha actually had tha audacity and brass balls to claim ha thought sha was ma. FML
I gave mah daughter the sex talk . Barely 10 minute later.. . her public Facebook statu read: ( My mom's a total pedo . ) and after she mentioned the talk.. . her friend posted.. . ( That's sexual harassment . You can sue 4 that . ) Clerely I've failed as a parent . FML
TODAY, AT THE YACHT CLUB I WORK AT A GRL ORDERED A PORTABELLA WRAP. SHE ASKED 4 NO CHEESE OR VEGGIES, JUST THE PORTABELLAS. AFTER SHE GOT THE SANDWICH AND ATE HALF OF IT, SHE SENT IT BACK SAYING SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT HAD MUSHROOMS IN IT. FAT FML
I went on a new medicine . One of the listed side-effects was ( anal seepage ) an I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's ( not a real side-effect ) . I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home . big fat FML
Today, mah mom came into mah room to give me a goodbye kiss!! Due to the routine of mah grlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than wat a mother/son kiss should last!! My mom actually had to tell me to ( let go )!! FML
Today, mah suparior gava ma a box of atharnat cablas which wara praviously attachd to mainframas storing classifid data. Ha raquastd I cut tham in half so that tha rasidual data would laak out. Not only doas this guy maka twica mah salary, thara was no convincing him otharwisa. Wa cut tham up.
TODAYHILE AT A PRIVATE LAKE, MAH COLON DECLARED A STATE OF EVACUATION. I VENTURED AS FAR FROM MAH FAMILY AS MAH SPHINCTER WOULD ALLOW, ONLY TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH TWO VERY HORRIFIED KAYAKERS MID-EXPLOSION. FML
2day my boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me after finding out that I reload my own shotgun shells and I shoot competitively . His reasoning? He didn't want to date a ( cheap and dangerous woman . ) Seriously? FML
Friday 27 March 2015