About mariepastyglue : FML is so freaken addicting, and I love it!!!!
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mariepastyglue's favorite FMLs
Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML
by painfulintercourse / 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/26/2010 at 1:45am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said "no" so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 1:00am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML
by loser. / 03/20/2010 at 2:23am / Canada (Northwest Territories) / Holidays
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend in her room. That means: Jonas Brothers posters on the wall, Jonas Brothers pillows, sheets, comforter and stuffed dog. After we did it, she apologized to her posters for having to see that, since they're pure. FML
by ICantBelieveThis / 03/06/2010 at 9:31am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by lovingsnow / 02/27/2010 at 2:37am / Singapore / Animals
Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML
by ugamayne / 02/17/2010 at 7:50am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2010 at 2:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML
by TacoFail / 01/01/2010 at 11:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by boyfriendisatoss / 12/26/2009 at 2:22am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my 15 year old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML
by Sadface / 12/06/2009 at 12:34pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML
by homewrecker / 11/08/2009 at 10:39am / United States / Love
by notsohappyniece / 11/02/2009 at 11:10am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted all of my numbers on my new phone, but the customer service rep had to transfer them. He said jokingly, "I understand. You don't want to lose your girlfriend's number." My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 3:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
- Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most… Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains.… Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I…