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Offline (the 03/22/2016 at 7:45am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 10 June 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 720
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About maricruz486 : Hi, I should probably fill this out... Well my name is Mari (pronounced with a Spanish accent) I'm a life guard and swim instructor, and a culinary student that is also currently working in the industry.The type of music I listen to is alternative rock, japanese rock, punk, k pop, and what ever isn't slow and relaxing. Because it will put me to sleep. I love watching anime, How I meet your mother and anything that is funny and has cruel humor. Have any questions shoot me a msg.

maricruz486's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 10:27am<b>kyletg09</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 4:47pm<b>The_Unlucky1</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 7:11pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 12:19am<b>fastman19</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 7:05am<b>ScenePanda45</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 8:51pm<b>Quendolin</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 4:37am<b>Captain_Brittain</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 2:02am<b>Teyros</b> - the 10/29/2015 at 12:39am<b>thatoneguy1111</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 12:46am<b>Jeeper4Life</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 6:17pm<b>dirtbikeguy</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 12:10am<b>munzapoppa</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 12:44pm<b>Soldierman</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 7:07pm<b>Chinhull</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 6:19pm<b>jadeluv</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 7:10pm<b>hotheadslav</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 6:20pm<b>zjay</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 5:43pm

Fucked!<b>fastman19</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 10:25pm<b>Soldierman</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 1:07am<b>thatoneguy1111</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 2:41pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 2:02am<b>dakatabg</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 6:52pm<b>MaryyJadee</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 4:09pm<b>whitnayfortooh</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:57am<b>Morning</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 10:12am<b>tranced_</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 8:06pm<b>zjay</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 11:19pm<b>Lct1196</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 4:50pm<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 10:25am<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 6:47am<b>GAMERZxxHD</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 12:24am

maricruz486's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of maricruz486's badges

maricruz486's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 4:15am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML

by WhosGoingToCleanThisUp / 02/26/2016 at 2:52pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

by EllieS9311 / 02/16/2016 at 8:16am / United States (Alabama) / Kids

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

by lambeaster / 01/20/2016 at 9:27am / United States (District of Columbia) / Kids

Today, I went to the hairdresser for the first time in the country I just moved to. Guess I don't speak the language as well as I thought. FML

by hrmpf / 01/19/2016 at 9:37am / Germany (Bremen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

by Hipnog / 11/07/2015 at 9:33am / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

by welpwelpwelp / 07/08/2015 at 1:45pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Love

Today, I had to sit through an entire movie where every time a new character was introduced, the guy sitting behind me would say, "My name is Jeff." FML

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

by oh no / 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

by baberuth / 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

by shmarf / 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, in a train, I did the old "I've got your nose" trick for a kid. He got off at the next stop, then waved something at me from the platform, then yelled, "I've got your keys!" FML

by jaivolétonnez / 06/17/2015 at 1:54am / Transportation

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 8:21am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Love

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

by betterthanhodor / 06/03/2015 at 11:46am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I realised I've been depressed about my recent break up for longer than the relationship even lasted. FML

by fleckney26 / 05/05/2015 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.