About maricruz486 : Hi, I should probably fill this out... Well my name is Mari (pronounced with a Spanish accent) I'm a life guard and swim instructor, and a culinary student that is also currently working in the industry.The type of music I listen to is alternative rock, japanese rock, punk, k pop, and what ever isn't slow and relaxing. Because it will put me to sleep. I love watching anime, How I meet your mother and anything that is funny and has cruel humor. Have any questions shoot me a msg.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
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maricruz486's favorite FMLs
Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 4:15am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by WhosGoingToCleanThisUp / 02/26/2016 at 2:52pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML
by EllieS9311 / 02/16/2016 at 8:16am / United States (Alabama) / Kids
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
by lambeaster / 01/20/2016 at 9:27am / United States (District of Columbia) / Kids
by hrmpf / 01/19/2016 at 9:37am / Germany (Bremen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML
by Hipnog / 11/07/2015 at 9:33am / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
by welpwelpwelp / 07/08/2015 at 1:45pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Love
by KaylaRox1908 / 07/07/2015 at 10:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
by oh no / 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML
by baberuth / 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
by shmarf / 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by jaivolétonnez / 06/17/2015 at 1:54am / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 8:21am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Love
by betterthanhodor / 06/03/2015 at 11:46am / United Kingdom / Health
by fleckney26 / 05/05/2015 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney…