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mariah_1_11

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mariah_1_11

10Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 January 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 317
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 20 posted

About mariah_1_11 : I like long romantic walks on the beach, except when you step on a shell and it cuts your foot so bad that you have to go to the hospital to get stitches. Then because you can't walk and are dependent on your significant other, they leave you for the mail carrier with the gimpy leg and unibrow. You dive into a deep hole of depression, gain 500 pounds, lose all self respect and die one of those New York deaths where you're stabbed (assuming the knife is long enough to pierce through that thick layer of fat), left to bleed on the sidewalk; only to be an annoyance to those who are forced to circumnavigate your decaying corpse in their path...
Scratch that I hate long walks on the beach.
Shout out to my favorite FML poster(s):
Baustigt
DocBastard
DontClickOnMe

mariah_1_11's page activity

Visits<b>Mons</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 4:55pm<b>WilliamMurderfac</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 9:55am<b>jakers8424</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 2:13pm<b>nancy_rm</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 9:52pm<b>hollenbackam</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 4:42am<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 12:50am<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 11:07pm<b>bubsenn</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 3:23pm<b>cOOkiEzRgOOd</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 3:04am<b>dantee2005</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 1:53pm<b>ItsaBucsLife</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 11:36am<b>saocrates</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 12:26pm<b>Hardizzle9</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 11:40am<b>jadeleepenguin</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 9:12am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 9:01am<b>dideldoodles</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 8:17am<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 6:59am<b>winterforever97</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 3:43am

Fucked!<b>cOOkiEzRgOOd</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 9:04am<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 7:01am<b>ManUtdforlife</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 7:32am<b>Koolaidandtacos</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 11:13pm<b>beckamoosee</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 6:49am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 4:20am<b>Kamorka</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 12:35am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 11:13pm<b>xluciferx666</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 6:47pm<b>lenalee96</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 5:33am

mariah_1_11's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of mariah_1_11's badges

mariah_1_11's favorite FMLs

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

#21454970
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32988) - you deserved it (3184)

On 08/11/2015 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28262) - you deserved it (3731)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

#21429316
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28616) - you deserved it (1687)

On 06/21/2015 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

#21428778
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20413) - you deserved it (12423)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

#21428714
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26816) - you deserved it (3705)

On 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm - misc - by baberuth - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

#21420064
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27792) - you deserved it (1845)

On 06/03/2015 at 2:03am - misc - by she has dumbcuntitis (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

#21095689
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49374) - you deserved it (12635)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm - misc - by dani (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

#21071021
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49991) - you deserved it (3573)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:59am - animals - by HelpMe (man) - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The)

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

#20677562
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27361) - you deserved it (39634)

On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

#20516811
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7009) - you deserved it (45632)

On 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

#20514612
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36281) - you deserved it (4866)

On 02/20/2013 at 7:01am - kids - by Laila - United States

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

#20466884
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37330) - you deserved it (3620)

On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28573) - you deserved it (5401)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13315) - you deserved it (30322)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)



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