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mariah_1_11

Offline (the 10/02/2014 at 5:59am) | Search for a member

mariah_1_11

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 January 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 45
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 20 posted

About mariah_1_11 : I like long romantic walks on the beach, except when you step on a shell and it cuts your foot so bad that you have to go to the hospital to get stitches. Then because you can't walk and are dependent on your significant other, they leave you for the mail carrier with the gimpy leg and unibrow. You dive into a deep hole of depression, gain 500 pounds, lose all self respect and die one of those New York deaths where you're stabbed (assuming the knife is long enough to pierce through that thick layer of fat), left to bleed on the sidewalk; only to be an annoyance to those who are forced to circumnavigate your decaying corpse in their path...
Scratch that I hate long walks on the beach.
Shout out to my favorite FML poster(s):
Baustigt
DocBastard
DontClickOnMe

mariah_1_11's page activity

Visits<b>qwerty401</b> - 11 hours ago<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 11:48am<b>facelick</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 2:19pm<b>tigerfish</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 12:33am<b>aherne</b> - the 01/31/2014 at 12:51am<b>music8484</b> - the 12/18/2013 at 7:44pm

mariah_1_11's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of mariah_1_11's badges

mariah_1_11's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

#21095689
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46996) - you deserved it (11874)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm - misc - by dani (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

#21071021
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48247) - you deserved it (3420)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:59am - animals - by HelpMe (man) - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The)

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

#20677562
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27190) - you deserved it (39380)

On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

#20516811
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6912) - you deserved it (45322)

On 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

#20514612
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34295) - you deserved it (4670)

On 02/20/2013 at 7:01am - kids - by Laila - United States

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

#20466884
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34657) - you deserved it (3395)

On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28139) - you deserved it (5358)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11929) - you deserved it (28076)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34266) - you deserved it (3495)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

#20068529
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23954) - you deserved it (3657)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

#20016902
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17322) - you deserved it (7222)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to have some fun by joining a Harry Potter forum and making a thread saying it's all for little kids. When I checked back later, my post had been edited into me tearfully coming out of the closet, and some guy had said he'd passed my details on to Anonymous. FML

#20004185
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5408) - you deserved it (33951)

On 08/05/2012 at 4:21pm - misc - by icybrent94 (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

#19992743
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19489) - you deserved it (4007)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML

#19314289
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19909) - you deserved it (4634)

On 03/20/2012 at 3:15pm - misc - by lyla - United States



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