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while working as a lifeguard , a kid took a dump in the pool . When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it , another kid promptly stared at me , stood at the shallow end righthere I was standing , pulled down his trunks , and peed on my feet . FML
Today , I accidentally hit a cyclist with car. In panic , I jumped out of car and ran up to him , who was lying on the floor , motionless. As I was about to check his pulse , he jumped up and shouted , ( I bet you thought I was dead , asshole! ) He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her cuz for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" an then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Today, I e-maild the on-line instructor for mah job, telling her that I had fallen behind in mah work due to mah grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope yur grandmother gets better soon." FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid 4 the rest of the summer. FML
Friday 27 March 2015