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maloccarini's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Kasey Eames / 12/23/2012 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
by sucks at sucking / 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Intimacy
by ToughTitties / 12/14/2012 at 8:45am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2012 at 2:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
by SamWGovan / 12/09/2012 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by bill219 / 12/07/2012 at 5:40pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Dontwaketheneighbors / 12/06/2012 at 9:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by AllegroRubato / 12/04/2012 at 3:09pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by me. / 12/01/2012 at 9:54am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/25/2012 at 4:34pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Intimacy
by wow babe / 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
- Today, I went out to get a coffee while there was a flash flood warning. On my way home I noticed… Today, my loneliness hit an all time low when I actually considered "accidentally" texting a random… Today, I just found out that my little brother likes to peak through the crack of the bathroom door…