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Today , before I went to bed , I watched a terrifying movie with zombies . I woke up with a headache , a bloody nose , and mah mom standing over me frantically asking me wat was wrong . Apparently I had been "fighting the zombie off" in mah sleep and had been punching myself in the face . FML
Yesterday, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze an sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When u die can we get a cat?" mega FML
Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her cuz her headphone were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML
Today, in math class we were lerening about gravity. To demonstrate mah teacher asked me to stand on the desk an then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward an cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML
Friday 27 March 2015