Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

malait

Offline (11 hours ago) | Search for a member

malait

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1150
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About malait : Engineer to be

malait's page activity

Visits<b>lannisters</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 7:55pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 4:59pm<b>spiers1</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 1:04am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 4:06pm<b>Somefruits</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 11:22am<b>faerieonacid</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 7:44pm<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 3:49am<b>rylaii</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 2:52am<b>okcnation</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 2:11am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 4:42am<b>greeneyebeauty9</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 10:53am<b>cocainewhore</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 5:10am<b>matthewkato</b> - the 02/15/2014 at 6:49pm<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 3:22am<b>m22100</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 8:56pm<b>ImTheRealBatman</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 3:04am<b>neo08061972</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 12:36am<b>Zaketh2112</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 1:43pm

malait's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of malait's badges

malait's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

#12030730
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24725) - you deserved it (48764)

On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)

Today, I felt the urge to sneeze, so out of instinct I looked away from the computer and sneezed to my left. The rotating fan was blowing at my direction at that moment, so I just sneezed on my own face. FML

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the first time in a while. When he came over we realized that we had not only gotten the same haircut, but we were also wearing the same sweater. We are a matching old couple at 17. FML

#8764219
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11001) - you deserved it (21912)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:15am - love - by oldandmarriedapparently (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out my cousin - who suffers from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend, while crying, and he held me for a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet, he pulled out his iPhone and started playing a shooter game. FML

#8364770
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37118) - you deserved it (3744)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:30am - love - by lynn (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the store to buy a new lego set, only to find there weren't any left in stock. I started crying before I could make it out of the store. Oh, and I'm eighteen. FML

#8248390
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9006) - you deserved it (40679)

On 02/14/2010 at 12:43pm - misc - by Tibblesthepengwin (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was "cookies." FML

#7264308
183 comments

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

#6694429
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27324) - you deserved it (2368)

On 12/10/2009 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by Godi (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was the last day of finals. After sleeping less than three hours in the last two days, I got in the car to go to school. For a second, I thought my steering wheel, the gas pedal, and brake pedal were all missing. That's when I realized I was sitting in the back seat. FML

#6692026
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28928) - you deserved it (12395)

On 12/10/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took the bus to work. I was exhausted and had a big mug of coffee. Half asleep and thinking I was in my car, I reached forward to put it in the "cup holder" during the ride. When I let go, I poured hot coffee not only all over myself, but also on the large, angry-looking man next to me. FML

#6340029
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8009) - you deserved it (24397)

On 11/17/2009 at 10:32am - misc - by Spiller (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

#5762381
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8094) - you deserved it (41630)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said "like shit." I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was "feeling like I was in the process of defacating." FML

Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML

#5164209
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44601) - you deserved it (4221)

On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a friend's pool party. He lives on a lake and one of our friends wouldn't get in the water. My best friend and I decided to push him off the dock. Once we had, I turned to see my crush who had watched looked shocked. Then said "You know he can't swim right?" FML

#5044657
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7331) - you deserved it (59116)

On 09/04/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by babydoll13211 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

#4622066
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10205) - you deserved it (87880)

On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



FML's blog

  • AD_e's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't…

Monday 18 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: