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malait

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malait

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2100
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About malait : Engineer to be

malait's page activity

Visits<b>ThatKidFromLA</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 4:34am<b>lannisters</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 7:55pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 4:59pm<b>spiers1</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 1:04am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 4:06pm<b>Somefruits</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 11:22am<b>faerieonacid</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 7:44pm<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 3:49am<b>rylaii</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 2:52am<b>okcnation</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 2:11am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 4:42am<b>greeneyebeauty9</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 10:53am<b>cocainewhore</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 5:10am<b>matthewkato</b> - the 02/15/2014 at 6:49pm<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 3:22am<b>m22100</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 8:56pm<b>ImTheRealBatman</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 3:04am<b>neo08061972</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 12:36am

malait's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of malait's badges

malait's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

#4622066
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10599) - you deserved it (89343)

On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

#4580514
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60313) - you deserved it (7333)

On 08/16/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML

#4460221
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40494) - you deserved it (5434)

On 08/11/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76125) - you deserved it (6571)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

#4407265
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14772) - you deserved it (55021)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by deflated - Ireland

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

#4239314
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47506) - you deserved it (6018)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm - animals - by cricketeer (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

#3973803
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55557) - you deserved it (7941)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML

#3774043
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17332) - you deserved it (38816)

On 07/15/2009 at 1:24pm - work - by kjcarey123 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML

#3650725
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40237) - you deserved it (7828)

On 07/10/2009 at 9:09pm - money - by thanksalot (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
478 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70807) - you deserved it (4846)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23056) - you deserved it (75970)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

#2390335
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10858) - you deserved it (54279)

On 05/28/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by pathetic (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend invited me over so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom hands me a box. When I got home I opened it. His mom baked me a break up cake. FML

#2290752
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52245) - you deserved it (3304)

On 05/25/2009 at 9:15pm - love - by cakegirl (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93911) - you deserved it (22449)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

#1770571
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20968) - you deserved it (45615)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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