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mahovalia

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mahovalia

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mahovalia's favorite FMLs

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

#18483356
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48764) - you deserved it (7749)

On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

#18482264
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24805) - you deserved it (2293)

On 12/11/2011 at 1:57am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

#18443070
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22697) - you deserved it (1740)

On 12/06/2011 at 3:57am - work - by snarly1 - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend's response to my question about where our relationship was going was, "Let me check what my Celtic Runes have to say about it." FML

#18434296
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21210) - you deserved it (3587)

On 12/05/2011 at 3:05am - love - by me - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML

#18434138
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27078) - you deserved it (37518)

On 12/05/2011 at 2:22am - intimacy - by LucklessNiceGuy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

#18423886
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38412) - you deserved it (2445)

On 12/04/2011 at 12:19am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML

#18047257
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11304) - you deserved it (38169)

On 10/22/2011 at 4:25pm - work - by Brony - United States (Ohio)

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

#17848518
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46683) - you deserved it (3592)

On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36371) - you deserved it (23385)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

#17376503
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7389) - you deserved it (61304)

On 08/05/2011 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML

#17362990
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32747) - you deserved it (11457)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:00am - intimacy - by laughingflame - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

#17279382
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26910) - you deserved it (4227)

On 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

#17156963
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38133) - you deserved it (3362)

On 07/18/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

#17153294
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44091) - you deserved it (3885)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:04pm - intimacy - by Cinnamon (man) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)

Today, on my way home from work, I decided to bring my pregnant wife a bouquet of roses to surprise her. Her response? "Why didn't you get me something useful, like chicken wings, instead?" FML

#16583514
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40423) - you deserved it (9661)

On 06/09/2011 at 7:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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