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magikarpsmurfs

Offline (21 hours ago) | Search for a member

magikarpsmurfs

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 May 1989 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 141
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About magikarpsmurfs : Legos & Eggos on a dragon roller coaster ride, down skittles mountain this time. My best friend is a mime & I can't seem to find my lucky leprechaun in my mind. I only like dogs when they can beat me in pong. Never trust a fish that doesn't clean it's dish. Onions think that they're ugly because you cry after you get them naked.

magikarpsmurfs's page activity

Visits<b>gigistar15</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 7:15pm<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 8:13am<b>ZY1431</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 10:02pm<b>stargazer091</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 8:18am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 8:06am<b>hoondigi</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 3:25am<b>SystemofaBlink41</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 1:53am<b>mla2000</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 1:52am<b>groovy579</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 8:47pm<b>Defalt</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 4:56pm<b>Badman6969</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 3:51pm<b>whenitdidhappen</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 12:06pm<b>ashleigh_b</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 10:08am<b>PeterCapaldi</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 9:39am<b>boser</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 7:31am<b>MrDonSalvetti</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 7:10am<b>TheElBurrrito</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 11:58am<b>dimos4ever</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 10:49am

magikarpsmurfs's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of magikarpsmurfs's badges

magikarpsmurfs's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41916) - you deserved it (11668)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

#21216984
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36602) - you deserved it (23747)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:55am - intimacy - by teegtwo (woman) - United States

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40260) - you deserved it (6114)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52929) - you deserved it (7992)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

#21194001
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55106) - you deserved it (3978)

On 06/30/2014 at 5:06pm - love - by outoflove (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

#21187944
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46761) - you deserved it (12184)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by fredfredburger (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my ex-girlfriend proposed to me, at my wedding. FML

#21158075
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53937) - you deserved it (7373)

On 05/31/2014 at 9:40am - love - by damn it rose (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. We're very close, and I called my boyfriend, really needing some support. I'd barely told him what had happened, when he replied, "Babe, I'm in the middle of a game here. Call me later." FML

#21150333
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48796) - you deserved it (6152)

On 05/24/2014 at 3:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

#21130490
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41245) - you deserved it (10491)

On 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm - health - by Numbass123 (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricaded himself in the employee restroom and refuses to come out, unless I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here. FML

Today, I was texting a girl I like, explaining how she looks like an attractive celebrity. She responded with a picture of a very unattractive lady and asked if she looked like that. I told her if she had been caught in a burning building, then yes, that would look like her. It was of her mom. FML

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

#21102694
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40199) - you deserved it (9483)

On 04/02/2014 at 7:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, a crazy woman grabbed my hair and mentioned how lovely it was. She then asked when I would donate it. I told her I didn't want to, at which point she started yelling that she was going to get some scissors and cut it all off to teach me a lesson. FML

#21090883
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43146) - you deserved it (3454)

On 03/19/2014 at 2:14pm - misc - by donttouchmyhair (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

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