magikarpsmurfs

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Offline (the 05/24/2016 at 11:07pm)

magikarpsmurfs

15Fucked!

magikarpsmurfsmagikarpsmurfs
  • Town/Country : Cleveland, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 May 1989 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 760
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About magikarpsmurfs : Legos & Eggos on a dragon roller coaster ride, down skittles mountain this time. My best friend is a mime & I can't seem to find my lucky leprechaun this time. I only like dogs when they can beat me in a game of pong. Never trust a fish that doesn't clean it's own dish. Onions think that they're ugly because you cry after you get them naked.

magikarpsmurfs's page activity

Visits<b>HarleyBlues</b> - the 05/01/2016 at 12:05am<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 04/20/2016 at 9:27am<b>Tiaxlnr</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 11:21pm<b>calm_smoke</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 2:23pm<b>winchester818</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 7:34pm<b>cheeeksss</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 3:36am<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 4:11pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 11:12am<b>twister45</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 9:34pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 3:27am<b>TheLostCauseFML</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 10:29pm<b>love_faith16</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 1:30pm<b>The_FML_Princess</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 11:05pm<b>DarksideDoll</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 9:28pm<b>emmusj</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:40pm<b>thatchick1405</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 9:18pm<b>Mogo25067</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 2:11pm<b>NeyNeyDaDa</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 2:30pm

Fucked!<b>HarleyBlues</b> - the 05/01/2016 at 6:05am<b>karacakal2</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 9:27am<b>twister45</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 5:24am<b>love_faith16</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 7:30pm<b>NeyNeyDaDa</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 8:30pm<b>BigL99</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 12:28am<b>gshpigboy</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 8:00am<b>qwertsarecool122</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 2:22pm<b>kittyninja19</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 7:21am<b>Baka_Me</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 6:44am<b>Epickitty58</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 5:24am<b>Lilbrunswick7</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 3:48am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 1:46am<b>dylanger16</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 12:45am

magikarpsmurfs's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of magikarpsmurfs's badges

magikarpsmurfs's favorite FMLs

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Kids

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

by Idle_Twin / 05/17/2015 at 1:53pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

by teegtwo / 07/22/2014 at 1:55am / United States / Intimacy

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

by oh shit / 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

by outoflove / 06/30/2014 at 5:06pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

by fredfredburger / 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my boyfriend bought yet another video game and played it all afternoon. Unlike me, our parrot is taking this situation rather well: for the past two hours he's been repeating, over and over, "EA Sports, it's in the game." FML

by Apcn / 06/05/2014 at 4:05pm / France (Bretagne) / Animals

Today, my ex-girlfriend proposed to me, at my wedding. FML

by damn it rose / 05/31/2014 at 9:40am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love

Today, my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. We're very close, and I called my boyfriend, really needing some support. I'd barely told him what had happened, when he replied, "Babe, I'm in the middle of a game here. Call me later." FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2014 at 3:31pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

by Numbass123 / 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricaded himself in the employee restroom and refuses to come out, unless I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here. FML

by kendrox / 05/02/2014 at 3:11am / United States (Indiana) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was texting a girl I like, explaining how she looks like an attractive celebrity. She responded with a picture of a very unattractive lady and asked if she looked like that. I told her if she had been caught in a burning building, then yes, that would look like her. It was of her mom. FML

by spencerlong / 04/24/2014 at 11:02pm / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.