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magicman13's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
magicman13's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 12:23am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by so romantic / 11/12/2011 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Love
by ohgodwhy / 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML
by WishIWasAWriter / 09/08/2011 at 2:03pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous
by AudraRose / 09/07/2011 at 12:57pm / United States / Health
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 6:59pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals
Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
by f*ckingdisgusted / 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm / United States / Kids
Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML
by Jace / 08/19/2011 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love
by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML
by Savannah / 08/01/2011 at 5:20pm / United States (Alaska) / Money
Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML
by iannie / 07/31/2011 at 5:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Taylor / 07/30/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by crazygirl12 / 07/29/2011 at 11:18am / United States (Missouri) / Work
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…
- Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was…