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magicman13's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
magicman13's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML
by annoyed teen / 04/12/2014 at 11:01pm / United States (Idaho) / Work
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
by vreenya / 04/08/2014 at 4:13pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Kids
Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 12:38am / United States (New York) / Kids
by cb / 11/25/2013 at 1:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
by scared shitless in ohio / 09/25/2013 at 4:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at a daycare, I had to change a kid's diaper. This may seem normal for a daycare worker, but not when it's a 7-year-old kid who is still not potty-trained and shat their pants. FML
by CrappyDay / 08/20/2013 at 1:14pm / United States / Kids
Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML
by Laila / 02/20/2013 at 7:01am / United States / Kids
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
by shit.... / 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/25/2012 at 8:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 6:09pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Kids
by Badchristian / 04/05/2012 at 12:17am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by virginkiller / 03/03/2012 at 8:23am / Singapore / Intimacy
by crazytown62 / 02/14/2012 at 10:32am / United States / Love
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, at Toronto airport, the customs officer checked my passport, then called his colleagues to…