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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 19 January 1999 (17 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5236
  • Number of comments : 63
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About madnessking : Oh-loh! I like to play my violin and guitar, watch movies, read books, play video games, shoot guns, run, box, (the punching people kind, not the Calvin and Hobbes kind) and make fun of people on occasion. My eyebrows are lush and fertile. FML didn't allow me to self-identify as an Apache Attack Helicopter, the bastards, so I stuck with Male. I love to talk to people, so message me if you want to chat! (Preferably on one of the below sites, 'cause FML messaging sucks.)

My self esteem is rooted in the impression of complete strangers so do me a favor and hit that blue button! That's it, the one with the cute widdle kitty! You know you wanna tap that!

Kik: alp1k
Sc: al_piccone
Insta: al_piccone

madnessking's page activity

Visits<b>Pinacolada95</b> - 13 hours ago<b>ilovemychem</b> - the 11/29/2016 at 1:59pm<b>swaglesshipster</b> - the 11/28/2016 at 2:36pm<b>NelaGacic</b> - the 11/25/2016 at 6:25pm<b>satansasshole</b> - the 11/22/2016 at 2:20pm<b>jtrizzle93</b> - the 11/21/2016 at 6:42pm<b>bugjuice1</b> - the 11/20/2016 at 11:15am<b>sam_AHS</b> - the 11/19/2016 at 9:37am<b>TheMeanwhile</b> - the 11/18/2016 at 2:02am<b>marlenemachine18</b> - the 11/16/2016 at 2:03pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/15/2016 at 6:34pm<b>chelsay05</b> - the 11/14/2016 at 11:11pm<b>hox83</b> - the 11/11/2016 at 12:47pm<b>ally_sanderson</b> - the 11/10/2016 at 6:12am<b>brookenicolee29</b> - the 11/09/2016 at 4:42pm<b>BearPrincess424</b> - the 11/07/2016 at 11:48pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 11/06/2016 at 8:31pm<b>BlueAlpaca</b> - the 11/05/2016 at 9:59pm

Fucked!<b>swaglesshipster</b> - the 11/15/2016 at 5:14am<b>royr7395</b> - the 11/05/2016 at 7:26am<b>PerkySocks</b> - the 11/04/2016 at 1:39am<b>TheCutestLizard</b> - the 10/30/2016 at 10:18pm<b>gunnerette</b> - the 10/30/2016 at 8:56pm<b>Melanie_marii</b> - the 10/28/2016 at 11:52pm<b>mushie12</b> - the 10/23/2016 at 8:49am<b>nyancait</b> - the 10/22/2016 at 5:54am<b>sparky333441</b> - the 10/22/2016 at 4:11am<b>classicate</b> - the 10/19/2016 at 12:11am<b>mytri</b> - the 10/12/2016 at 8:17pm<b>Reely_queenie</b> - the 10/11/2016 at 10:19am<b>ArsenicApple</b> - the 10/08/2016 at 8:18pm<b>Melodyrain</b> - the 10/07/2016 at 7:23am<b>delllraeee</b> - the 10/07/2016 at 5:35am<b>Mattea10026546</b> - the 10/04/2016 at 9:51pm<b>anak36</b> - the 10/03/2016 at 9:22pm<b>Cherhorowitz</b> - the 10/03/2016 at 8:33am

madnessking's FML badges


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Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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madnessking's favorite FMLs

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2016 at 4:38am / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

by Stuby14 / 11/23/2015 at 9:31am / United States (South Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 2:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I set my car's speed to 125km/h to pass the speed camera announced by a road sign. Sure of myself, for a laugh I flipped the bird as I went by. When the flash went off, I realised that the speed limit was 110 km/h, not the usual 130 km/h. FML

by yvon la moto / 11/06/2015 at 5:26am / Spain (Madrid) / Transportation

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

by erphy21 / 09/26/2015 at 4:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

by dannidoll93 / 08/22/2015 at 10:59am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2015 at 5:32am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

by Just wanted a cigarette / 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

by strangely / 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

by HAIL SITHIS / 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." Two hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2015 at 1:59pm / Northern Mariana Islands / Health

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

by fuck / 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy