About madmanmajor : Im a cat. Meow. Bitch
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Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28398) - you deserved it (4711)
On 12/12/2009 at 12:23am - love - by MarkTheShark (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44953) - you deserved it (1996)
On 12/04/2009 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23143) - you deserved it (4507)
On 12/02/2009 at 5:57am - misc - by Project-Mayhem (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28817) - you deserved it (9011)
On 11/28/2009 at 11:17am - love - by moon_paw (woman) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16033) - you deserved it (2867)
On 11/22/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Arachnaphobic (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and with the words "F*** you". Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28341) - you deserved it (1581)
On 11/09/2009 at 3:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27791) - you deserved it (10490)
On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31234) - you deserved it (7728)
On 10/06/2009 at 11:56am - misc - by good-samaritan-fail (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50073) - you deserved it (1466)
On 09/28/2009 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my boss fired me because a coworker had seen me reading magazines on the job. That same coworker was the one who offered me the magazine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32650) - you deserved it (6225)
On 09/08/2009 at 4:48pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I met my girlfriend's extended family for the first time. Her family kept telling her how much I looked and acted like her older brother and I'm guessing by the end of the day she agreed because now she pulls away and gags when I try to kiss her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40433) - you deserved it (1694)
On 08/14/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by BFfail (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16853) - you deserved it (32673)
On 08/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by PeepShow (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went into my part-time job at a drugstore. We always have one item we try and sell to every customer. For the next week I have to ask every person if they would like to try my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31450) - you deserved it (2987)
On 07/29/2009 at 11:17pm - misc - by arsenic660 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14354) - you deserved it (38505)
On 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43500) - you deserved it (2320)
On 07/23/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by pleaseno (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Monday 17 June 2013
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