madmanmajor

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madmanmajor

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1685
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About madmanmajor : Im a cat. Meow. Bitch

madmanmajor's page activity

Visits<b>Smartdumbblonde</b> - the 03/01/2013 at 5:52pm<b>keepkeep</b> - the 02/26/2013 at 6:35pm<b>ironjawber</b> - the 02/20/2013 at 4:39pm<b>Blue329</b> - the 02/20/2013 at 12:39am<b>Milanxx</b> - the 02/16/2013 at 10:19pm<b>Gwen_99</b> - the 02/15/2013 at 4:09pm<b>Nicole1225</b> - the 02/15/2013 at 3:19pm<b>GabrielleFrance</b> - the 02/15/2013 at 2:40pm<b>B5B0N35</b> - the 02/15/2013 at 2:09am<b>vflores</b> - the 02/13/2013 at 10:25am<b>BFons</b> - the 02/12/2013 at 2:37am<b>StaceeeP</b> - the 02/12/2013 at 12:43am<b>kansah</b> - the 02/11/2013 at 1:42am<b>ICastillo</b> - the 01/10/2013 at 12:35am<b>jazzybaby05</b> - the 12/23/2012 at 1:36pm

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madmanmajor's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

by weswithaute / 11/13/2011 at 1:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 3:29am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

by G / 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2011 at 11:29pm / United States / Work

 Today, my mom is marrying my ex boyfriend's dad. The same ex boyfriend who I caught cheating on me with my sister. Family gatherings are going to be such a joy! FML

by AL / 09/21/2011 at 1:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 7:54pm / United States / Health

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

by Cantgetno / 09/20/2011 at 3:45am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was so starved of human contact that I almost took up a transsexual hooker's offer of a "good time." Nothing wrong with that really, but they looked like a haunted tree dressed as Liza Minnelli. FML

by Username / 09/05/2011 at 10:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

by Anonymous / 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex" to my girlfriend. FML

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

by Stevie / 08/16/2011 at 2:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous