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madmanmajor

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madmanmajor

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 717
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About madmanmajor : Im a cat. Meow. Bitch

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madmanmajor's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

#18234448
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40433) - you deserved it (7064)

On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

#18145171
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62372) - you deserved it (4619)

On 11/03/2011 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40472) - you deserved it (5223)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40472) - you deserved it (5223)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

#17953738
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34450) - you deserved it (24584)

On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

#17935197
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14087) - you deserved it (39150)

On 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm - misc - by G - United States (California)

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

#17892282
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21775) - you deserved it (1880)

On 10/02/2011 at 11:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

 Today, my mom is marrying my ex boyfriend's dad. The same ex boyfriend who I caught cheating on me with my sister. Family gatherings are going to be such a joy! FML

#17793249
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41903) - you deserved it (2486)

On 09/21/2011 at 1:53am - misc - by AL - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML

#17790312
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39276) - you deserved it (2257)

On 09/20/2011 at 7:54pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

#17786255
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50729) - you deserved it (6080)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was so starved of human contact that I almost took up a transsexual hooker's offer of a "good time." Nothing wrong with that really, but they looked like a haunted tree dressed as Liza Minnelli. FML

#17675561
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10396) - you deserved it (20260)

On 09/05/2011 at 10:38pm - intimacy - by Username (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30128) - you deserved it (5650)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

#17548776
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19957) - you deserved it (41632)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex" to my girlfriend. FML

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

#17487537
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28551) - you deserved it (3409)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:52am - misc - by Stevie - Canada (Ontario)



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