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Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9235) - you deserved it (63058)
On 09/16/2009 at 9:24am - animals - by nipped (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45355) - you deserved it (6401)
On 09/07/2009 at 9:32am - love - by GasAttack (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (178166) - you deserved it (25406)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17818) - you deserved it (192944)
On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139954) - you deserved it (32574)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (208279) - you deserved it (10122)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (382543) - you deserved it (21609)
On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my friend and i thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44616) - you deserved it (31362)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by emilyxoxoxo - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (308212) - you deserved it (41012)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (110060) - you deserved it (14730)
On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39162) - you deserved it (10460)
On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - kids - by xoVioLoveox (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn't a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72365) - you deserved it (24230)
On 03/08/2009 at 8:45pm - love - by goodbye (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML
I agree, your life sucks (69037) - you deserved it (20087)
On 02/10/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by peacock_mina19 - United States (Michigan)
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8469) - you deserved it (32219)
On 02/08/2009 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by dgordo3 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (20859) - you deserved it (1260)
On 01/21/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by mat - Sent from mobile version
Friday 24 May 2013
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