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maddythecat

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maddythecat

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  • Number of visits : 169
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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maddythecat's favorite FMLs

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26538) - you deserved it (2537)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

#20140057
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22805) - you deserved it (4072)

On 10/30/2012 at 10:27am - misc - by Obi1Shinobi - United States

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

#20139648
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5837) - you deserved it (23041)

On 10/30/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by embarassedmuch - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22769) - you deserved it (2853)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

#20138333
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24167) - you deserved it (2291)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18486) - you deserved it (3599)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

#20129928
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31424) - you deserved it (10195)

On 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm - intimacy - by Andrew - United States

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

#20129867
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19286) - you deserved it (3314)

On 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by nicedoggy (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29748) - you deserved it (4521)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML

#20124915
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18990) - you deserved it (24277)

On 10/20/2012 at 3:16am - animals - by puppylove - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

#20114686
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21762) - you deserved it (2311)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

#20113997
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35530) - you deserved it (2915)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend and tell him that the red bumps around my nipples was heat rash, rather than admit it was actually razor burn. FML

#20110590
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you deserved it (8658)

On 10/10/2012 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by hairynips (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML

#20107225
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34799) - you deserved it (5782)

On 10/08/2012 at 10:07am - intimacy - by bucollegegirl (woman) - United States

Today, I wore a dress that I bought last weekend to work, thinking how I liked it and it fitted me perfectly, until someone at work told me that I was actually wearing a nightie. FML

#20103918
102 comments


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