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maddirose

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maddirose

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  • Number of visits : 41
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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maddirose's page activity

Visits<b>jayeterror775</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 5:31am

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maddirose's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

#19772012
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24533) - you deserved it (3302)

On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

#19633207
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8320) - you deserved it (34265)

On 05/16/2012 at 5:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

#19520981
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23922) - you deserved it (1855)

On 04/24/2012 at 7:50am - health - by hottygirl905 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

#19299897
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27126) - you deserved it (2971)

On 03/18/2012 at 11:04am - work - by cachucy - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26548) - you deserved it (4422)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

#19282725
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7710) - you deserved it (32742)

On 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by StinkyandStupid - United States

Today, I got my braces put on. This is the second time I've had them. The first time was after my cousin opened a car door in my face. This time a jock punched me in the mouth for saying that Reese's taste the same as Snickers peanut butter. FML

#19277494
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24832) - you deserved it (5978)

On 03/14/2012 at 4:12pm - health - by braceface - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

#19264126
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28008) - you deserved it (5915)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by yamsterr (man) - United States

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34815) - you deserved it (5448)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

#19255616
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30745) - you deserved it (2916)

On 03/11/2012 at 3:36am - love - by Tristan Brantley - United States (California)

Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML

#16746621
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26316) - you deserved it (9849)

On 06/19/2011 at 2:46pm - health - by no one - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6935) - you deserved it (66934)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

#144886
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10684) - you deserved it (71735)

On 02/26/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by belladonna (woman) - United States (New York)



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