About maddieick : I love reading Fml and I love reading the comments, especially when people are corrected for being a dumb arse.
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maddieick's favorite FMLs
Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML
by Elle / 02/23/2011 at 4:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2011 at 4:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I fell over on the bus. X-Rays revealed not only that I have been growing extra bones in my foot, but that when I fell, I crushed all of them. Doctors don't know how to fix bones that aren't supposed to be there, so they're just going to cut them out. Two days before Christmas. FML
by Anonymous / 12/19/2010 at 4:17am / New Zealand (Otago) / Health
Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML
by blackitalian / 11/26/2010 at 10:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss reached over and yanked up my shirt right above my breasts while she said, "I'm all for flaunting it if you've got it, but don't reveal that much cleavage, there are dirty old men that work here." FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2010 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by likesboys / 05/19/2010 at 8:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2010 at 11:38am / United States (Rhode Island) / Love
by ughno / 02/21/2010 at 2:50pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I took my cat to the vet. He said he felt a strange lump that could be serious. I got really upset and picked her up, crying. The vet then told me I had to put her down. Absolutely devastated by having to euthanize my cat, I passed out. He meant I had to put her back on the table. FML
by sadcat / 02/06/2010 at 10:19am / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals
by eemp / 02/05/2010 at 12:01am / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML
by Anonymous / 01/09/2010 at 12:58am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by Mojo / 12/14/2009 at 12:06pm / United Kingdom / Love
by fartlover / 11/27/2009 at 12:10am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, someone at work was bragging that their son was high school valedictorian and offered a full college scholarship. 7 years ago, I was also valedictorian and got that same scholarship. All I said was, "Congratulations. Did you want fries with that?" and continued taking their order. FML
by John / 11/07/2009 at 11:04am / United States (District of Columbia) / Work
Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML
by doglover / 11/03/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had a dream that I did well in my Business Studies exam. I slept so long that I overslept,… Today, I found out that my older brother has been watching incest porn. I am now scared to go home… Today, I went into the bathroom at Walmart. I noticed a strange looking "woman" fixing her hair in…