Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

maddiecat

Online | Search for a member

maddiecat

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 9151
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

maddiecat's page activity

Visits<b>cdncw</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 1:17pm<b>SandpitNinja</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 11:25pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 10:23am<b>EmmaMK</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 8:42am<b>riptor911</b> - the 04/11/2014 at 2:07am<b>NotGabe</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 10:37pm<b>cnparks1990</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 6:22pm

maddiecat's FML badges

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of maddiecat's badges

maddiecat's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

#21313388
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38853) - you deserved it (4652)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm - misc - by pubemilkshake - United States (Utah)

Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML

Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML

#21312880
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27985) - you deserved it (7651)

On 12/06/2014 at 11:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

#21311905
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32982) - you deserved it (7087)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43332) - you deserved it (3075)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

#21310722
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21863) - you deserved it (42621)

On 12/03/2014 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

#21309415
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48471) - you deserved it (13604)

On 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a Santa hat. After wearing the hat for a few hours, I noticed a strange lump near the tip of it. I stuck my hand inside to dig out the mysterious object. It was a dead cockroach. FML

#21308445
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31202) - you deserved it (3226)

On 11/29/2014 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML

#21307823
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38254) - you deserved it (2512)

On 11/28/2014 at 10:36pm - misc - by idiots - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

#21306286
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38394) - you deserved it (3171)

On 11/26/2014 at 3:45pm - misc - by void bowels() { cry(); } (man) - United Kingdom (Caerphilly)

Today, I drove over an hour to my grandma's house for her birthday party. When she answered the door, her eyes went wide and she said angrily "No, not you!" and slammed the door shut in my face. FML

#21306195
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30922) - you deserved it (2658)

On 11/26/2014 at 1:13pm - misc - by unwanted (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, a group of protesters set up just outside my residence hall at one in the morning. After an hour of chanting, the police finally told them to stop, and I was finally able to get some sleep. The protesters responded by pulling the fire alarm in every residence hall on campus. FML

#21305749
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30813) - you deserved it (2622)

On 11/25/2014 at 11:13am - misc - by IHateProtesters (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

#21304446
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45892) - you deserved it (2874)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long 12 hour drive. FML

#21302111
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31478) - you deserved it (2828)

On 11/19/2014 at 2:04pm - misc - by honeybunny - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

#21301367
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40519) - you deserved it (4115)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by drugsforthugs - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: