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maddiecat

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maddiecat

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 2875
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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maddiecat's favorite FMLs

Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

#20108741
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13020) - you deserved it (31468)

On 10/09/2012 at 4:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

#20108200
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15299) - you deserved it (27119)

On 10/08/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by ScaryBears (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend and I made love for the first time. Before we left his house so he could walk me home, I fixed my hair by the hall mirror and joked about having serious sex hair. My boyfriend quickly reminded me that his incredibly religious mother was in the next room. FML

#20107434
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10237) - you deserved it (31949)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by blabbermouth (woman) - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML

#20107225
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34668) - you deserved it (5769)

On 10/08/2012 at 10:07am - intimacy - by bucollegegirl (woman) - United States

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

#20107056
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25563) - you deserved it (5263)

On 10/08/2012 at 5:12am - love - by embarrassed (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

#20106895
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21764) - you deserved it (4088)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was fiddling around with the thermostat at my new place. For a laugh, I twisted the knob all the way to 40° celsius, when it snapped off. I don't have a clue how to fix it. FML

#20104478
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7216) - you deserved it (36800)

On 10/06/2012 at 4:29pm - misc - by didntknowyoucouldbreakit (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I wore a dress that I bought last weekend to work, thinking how I liked it and it fitted me perfectly, until someone at work told me that I was actually wearing a nightie. FML

#20103918
102 comments

Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML

#20103277
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12305) - you deserved it (28814)

On 10/05/2012 at 7:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

#20102964
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25074) - you deserved it (9012)

On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

#20102773
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12458) - you deserved it (24285)

On 10/05/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by OhMeGerd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28893) - you deserved it (3598)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

#20099840
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14648) - you deserved it (15838)

On 10/03/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by Jlhfan90 - United States

Today, I went on a date to the movies with this guy I kinda like. When he was driving me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend; I said I couldn’t because it was really bad timing. He kicked me out of the car, called me an asshole, and made me walk home. FML

#20099743
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14551) - you deserved it (32379)

On 10/03/2012 at 9:47am - misc - by lonerboner (woman) - United States



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