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maddiecat

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maddiecat

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  • Number of visits : 2607
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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maddiecat's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

#20088451
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22536) - you deserved it (2521)

On 09/25/2012 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

#20087864
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16637) - you deserved it (2615)

On 09/25/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by oreoblizzard619 (man) - United States

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

#20087243
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15278) - you deserved it (28744)

On 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by Fingkids - United States

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

#20087001
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15651) - you deserved it (19690)

On 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by foreveralone (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was taking a pizza order at work, and had to ask the customer's name. I couldn't quite hear what he said, so rather than asking him to repeat himself, I asked how it was spelled. He gave me a funny look and said, "Um, A.J.?" FML

Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML

#20086696
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23973) - you deserved it (2175)

On 09/24/2012 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

#20083501
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9454) - you deserved it (16080)

On 09/22/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by pimpdaddyX (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML

#20083093
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6831) - you deserved it (54502)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:24am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML

#20081849
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26142) - you deserved it (3030)

On 09/21/2012 at 6:57am - work - by scarred for life - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21612) - you deserved it (12133)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

#20081199
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31856) - you deserved it (2309)

On 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by MistressSuzuka (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

#20080189
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8204) - you deserved it (23866)

On 09/20/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML

#20079438
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28836) - you deserved it (3005)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:22pm - love - by Shame (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML

#20079245
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17873) - you deserved it (3019)

On 09/19/2012 at 1:25pm - love - by MT (woman) - Finland



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