maddiecat

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maddiecat

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 18739
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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maddiecat's page activity

Visits<b>RiftenGuard</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 8:42pm<b>cdncw</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 1:17pm<b>SandpitNinja</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 11:25pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 10:23am<b>EmmaMK</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 8:42am<b>riptor911</b> - the 04/11/2014 at 2:07am<b>NotGabe</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 10:37pm<b>cnparks1990</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 6:22pm

maddiecat's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

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You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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maddiecat's favorite FMLs

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

by UHM / 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm / United States / Love

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

by _/ | \_ / 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm / Singapore / Health

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

by D: / 10/06/2013 at 1:13pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

by -____- / 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some lean pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 4:17am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 2:56am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

by Kyra.45 / 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

by blargh / 10/03/2013 at 1:39pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Work

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

by wellcrap / 10/03/2013 at 1:41am / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, my parents favoritism towards my brother really shone through when we moved house and he got the nicest and by far biggest room. I wouldn't mind, but my brother is in college overseas and never comes home. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2013 at 11:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

by 94lbs of muscle / 10/02/2013 at 2:37pm / Health

Today, my bully made me cry once again. It's been going on for weeks. I don't know who to turn to; I can't say anything because I'd get into even more trouble. He even stole my Nintendo 3DS and won't give it back. My bully is my girlfriend's son. He's 10. FML

by PickedOnByDamien / 10/02/2013 at 4:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 4:25pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love